


Welcome To Spookyville!

by dixiemame33



Category: Disney Cartoons (Classic)
Genre: F/M, Halloween
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-08-03 15:47:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16328918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dixiemame33/pseuds/dixiemame33
Summary: In this world of ghouls and goblins, Mayor Mickey does his best to keep the thrilling world of Spookyville out of harm's way. But as it turns out, he gets the most harm out of anyone - when the strongest and craziest witch that's ever lived decides she wants him for a husband! Follow the silly stories of one witch's goal to get her guy - whether he likes it or not.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to my amazing editors, Drucilla and BlueShifted, who requested I visit this weird world!
> 
> All right, time for context. Many years ago I stumbled upon some fan-art about Tokyo Disney - specifically, of one of their Halloween parades. For one reason or another, the Japanese fandom depicted Witch Minnie as a love-obsessed maniac, and I thought that was hilarious, so I began writing small drabbles about what that could entail. Eventually fans of my work wanted to read more, and I finally submitted and decided to give it a shot.
> 
> However, this will be unlike most of my stories for two big reasons.
> 
> Reason One : Instead of Romance, the main focus of this story will be Comedy. As a result, I'm throwing a lot of my usual guidelines out the window - no long inner monologues, no ages of world-building, no angst and drama over Will They Or Won't They. The only rule for this is to make people laugh. Think of it as an experiment I'm trying.
> 
> Reason Two: When I first imagined this universe, it was mostly little ideas, like episodes of a show. As a result, I never thought of a beginning, middle or end or huge major plot - so I decided to go with that. Instead of a long complicated story, I'm going to write five short stories (well, four, if you count this chapter) about the daily madness of Spookyville.
> 
> Well, I think I've said more than enough for now, so let's see how this works out! Happy Halloween!

Far away in a distant land and time lives a world where one holiday reigns supreme. In this town, monsters and magic are as common as blue skies and sunshine, ghosts and ghouls are friends and family, and - 

_No_ , this is not like _The Nightmare Before Christmas_. It's totally different. Shut up.

Anyway, a special treat has arrived today, in that you, lucky soul, get to see some of the daily happenings of this bizarre world. In this special glimpse, you'll be told five tales of love, drama, and intrigue. (If you don't get any of this, you'll get your money back.*) And on this day, I can think of no better way to open this story by another opening! Let's dive in, shall we?

*No money will exchange hands.

~*~

It was a bright but blustery day in the haunted town, with every creed of creature eagerly taking to the streets. There was cause for celebration, as a brand new library would be opening! There was the promise of extremely rare spells, ancient tomes that had been thought lost to time, and neat coloring books for adults. A small stage had been set up in front of the marvelous library, with a big red ribbon stretched across the doors, waiting to be cut. The crowd was buzzing with anticipation as they tried to wait patiently for the man of the hour, the one who would officiate this ceremony.

“Gee, mom,” asked a young skeleton, “What's the big hold up?”

“We're all waiting for the Mayor, of course!” his mother replied, making sure her eyes wouldn't pop out of her sockets this time. “He's the one who approved building the new library, and found the funds necessary to collect all those old books! He's a fine young man, and the pride and joy of everyone in Spookyville!”

“Golly, can I be like him when I grow up?”

“I doubt it, son, we're mostly just here for exposition.”

No sooner had she finished speaking of the most honored man in town than an excited voice cried out, “Look, here they come!” Up in the air were three black coffins, with large bat wings propelling them forward through the sky. These special coffins could only mean one thing, and the crowd burst into applause. The coffins hovered in the air, twirling around once for show, before the one to the left popped open, and the body inside hopped on the stage.

“That's the Mayor's personal chef, Goofy!” Skeleton Mama explained, gesturing to the lanky dog who stumbled a bit on the stage before straightening himself. “He's always there to make sure the Mayor's stomach never goes empty, so he never needs to break and stop his work. Because of that, his specialty is Cooking Magic!” The dog smoothed down his purple pants, the pumpkin shape on his shirt and hat grinning mischievously at the onlookers.

“Cooking Magic?”

“All warlocks and witches have special magic just for them! Goofy's Cooking Magic allows him to make a meal wherever he is!” As proof of that, Goofy lifted his hat, where a pot of tea was now resting on his head, and calmly began to pour a cup of pumpkin spice tea for the mayor.

The right coffin opened, and out came a short duck, who was busily jotting down something important in a black notebook. The gold bats emblazoned on his red hat squeaked nosily, until he smacked the hat with his pen, and they quieted down. “That's Donald Duck, the Mayor's personal secretary!He keeps track of the Mayor's schedule so he's never late for anything! His specialty is Writing Magic – anything he draws comes to life!”

“That sounds like such a cheat.”

Finally, the middle coffin opened up, and this was met with the loudest applause of all. Out walked a mouse with a cheerful smile for his people, tipping his hat to everyone, the windows stitched on it reflecting everyone's joy. His cape fluttered quietly in the wind, showing that on the inside, his cape was decorated with dozens of doors of all shapes and colors. “Excellent job, guys!” he chirped to his assistants, hands on his hips with pride.

“Everything's all set, and this should have enough sugar to last the entire speech!” Goofy said, handing over his cup to Mickey.

“We're right on time,” Donald added, jotting another note down, “Without a second to spare. We're looking at a perfect day!”

“That's what I like to hear!” The mouse headed for the podium, but paused briefly, putting a hand to the side of his mouth and murmuring, “Say, uh... there's been no sign of _you-know-who_ , right?”

Donald shuddered, but then cleared his throat, pretending he hadn't shown any signs of fear. “Not to worry, sir! Goofy and I hatched up an elaborate plan early this morning, it should keep her distracted all day!”

Goofy nodded in agreement, saluting while accidentally spilling the tea on his head. “There's been no sight or sound of her! We're in the clear!”

Heaving a huge sigh of relief, the mouse quietly thanked his men before approaching the podium, tapping the microphone once. “A-hem... welcome, one and all! I am Mayor Mickey Mouse, and it is my honor and privilege to open the Halloween Street Library! It's been a dream of mine to give everyone access to these treasured tomes, and I believe we all have the right to keep on learning! Spookyville is our home, and it only deserves the best! I can think of nowhere I'd rather be than the spookiest, creepiest, scariest place in the world!”

As Mickey continued praising the home he ruled over, the skeleton child whispered to his mother, “Say, mom, he's a warlock too, isn't he? What's his specialty magic?”

“Well, son... if we're lucky, we won't have to see it today.”

This greatly confused her child, and he stared up at the small mouse on the stage, trying to figure out what kind of amazing magic he could possibly have. After all, to rule over such a strange place as Spookyville, one had to be incredibly powerful! Cooking Magic seemed simple, and Writing Magic seemed like endless potential, so what could be better than that? He studied the Mayor, just as everyone else was – in fact, because everyone was so intent on watching their beloved Mayor, they failed to notice anything else happening.

Like, say, the girl perched atop a nearby rooftop, taking aim at the Mayor's head.

“Almost... almost... oh, there~! Heehee, isn't he especially handsome today?” she squeaked, making the last adjustments to the gigantic weapon on her shoulder. “Oh, I could just watch him alllllll day!”

“Don't forget why you're here, mistress!” said Chip, one loyal familiar at her feet, followed swiftly by Dale, the equally loyal familiar. “It'd be a bummer to put all that planning to waste!”

“Aw, you're both such sweeties to worry over me!” She bent down to lovingly pet their heads before taking aim once more. “All right, I'm all set! Ready... aim...”

On stage, the wind was getting slightly brisker and chillier. Mickey was still in his speech, now explaining how to get a library card, when the cold began to bother his nose. He did his best to ignore it, but his nose kept twitching, needing to react. “And furthermore... ah... that is... ah...”

“Fire!”

“ACHOO!” Mickey sneezed hard, ducking his head as he blew into a hanky he pulled out of his pocket. He would've apologized for the embarrassing slight – except that by ducking, he had narrowly missed the large pink bazooka shell that whizzed past his hat, slamming and exploding into the library doors behind him, demolishing the entrance in a flurry of pink sparkles and red cartoon hearts. Dead silence fell upon the crowd of the mostly dead, as Mickey and his men slowly looked behind them to see the disaster.

“...Oh boy.” Mickey rubbed his hand over his face before shooting his assistants a hot glare. “I thought you said she was distracted!”

“We thought she was!” Goofy whined, “Shoot, if you ask me, summoning a eight-foot dragon to keep her front door closed is pretty distracting!”

Donald sighed hard, ripping a page out of his book. “We're going to fall so far behind schedule...”

Grumbling, Mickey slammed his hands on the podium, shouting into the microphone, “MINNIE MOUSE! CAN YOU NOT DO THIS TODAY?!”

There on the rooftop stood an adorable young lady, in classic witch attire from head to toe. The black lines that zigzagged all over her red dress sparkled with electricity, perhaps an aftereffect of the hulking pink bazooka that rested on her shoulder. “Oh, he noticed me!” She giggled before waving back at him. “Hiii, Mickey! Thanks for sending over that gift this morning, he's going to make such an adorable pet! Right after he gets over that nasty cold I gave him... but that's neither here nor there.” She popped the glass scope over her eye, hoping her aim would improve. “This here is the Super Duper Lovey Dovey Potion Number 6000! One hit and you'll definitely fall in love with me this time!”

“Or it could kill him,” Chip said with a shrug.  
“Mistress doesn't really think things through,” Dale added.

“Stay still, pleeease~!” Minnie chirped, ready to fire off another round. This finally got the crowd back to its senses, and they began to scream and run about like chickens with their heads cut off. Even though they were used to these antics, why not follow through with tradition? Mickey yelped, jumping away from the podium before any of the bazooka rounds could touch him, the stage shattering into a million now-pink-patterned pieces. It now became a mad chase, with Mickey and his men struggling to avoid every new round, the same nonsense they had dealt with every day for several months now.

“Aaand the library is completely destroyed,” Donald noted down in his notebook as they ran around, seeing the grand building now little more than a pile of debris and hearts. “Guess I can take the after-party off your schedule.”

“How many rounds does the little lady have in that thing anyhow? She'll wind up destroying the entire town at this rate!” Goofy asked, taking out a hearty sandwich from his hat, as all this running would burn a lot of carbs.

“Can't be too much left,” Mickey said as he tried to keep his hat on, “Or else the story would end right here! And even this hack author knows better than that!”

Mickey then tripped over a rock he hadn't seen before, as he forgot who was in charge of this tale. “Ow! Okay, okay, I take it back...” He then faced the building Minnie stood atop of, ready to take on her last shot. “Stand back, guys! Here it comes! Hope this works! Open...” With a flash of his hands and a swirl of his cape, one of the many doors on his cape suddenly popped off, growing larger and larger within seconds in front of Mickey's body. “Sesame!” His hands separated, willing the door open, and last shell vanished inside, the door slamming shut before disappearing into thin air – for this was Mickey's specialty, Door Magic! The ability to send anything anywhere, and to take out anything from anywhere! And you thought Writing Magic was a cheat!

Goofy exhaled, relieved, before following up, “Where did you send it this time?”

“The graveyard,” Mickey replied, tugging on his cape. “Donald, send an apology gift basket to the zombies.”

“Noted, sir.”

“Aw, no fair!” Minnie pouted, upset that her latest scheme hadn't worked. “I was so close this time! Now I have to think of a whole new plan to make him fall in love with me.” Defeated, she stuck her fingers in her mouth, whistling high so her flying broomstick would appear. “Come on, darlings, back to the drawing board!” She sat on the stick and her chipmunks joined suit on her lap. She blew a kiss to Mickey, waving goodbye as she took off. “Happy Anniversary, my Mayor!” 

“Anniversary?” Mickey repeated, scratching his head, before the answer clicked in his brain. “Huh... it's been that long already, has it? Time flies by when an insane witch is constantly trying to make you fall in love with her.”

“I don't think that's the expression,” Donald said.

Goofy asked the obvious, as usual. “What did she mean, 'anniversary'?”

The chipmunks were equally befuddled, and ask similarly, “Anniversary of what, mistress?”

“It's been exactly one year...”

“... Since she made my life a living nightmare,” Mickey groaned.

“... Since I fell in love with my wonderful Mayor!” Minnie chirped.

“Hang on,” Goofy held up a hand, “before we do the flashback, lemme go grab my harp! Can't do a flashback without the floaty harp music!”

“Appreciated, Goofy, but this is a visual medium, the sound gag doesn't quite work here.”

“Aw, phooey.”

~*~

Yes, one year ago things had been very different. Minnie was still a new student at Magica De Spell's Bewitching Academy, where all young witches learned their craft. Every manner of creature in Spookyville attended their own special schools to hone their powers – mummies went to mummy school, ghosts went to ghost school, and blood-sucking vampires went to law school. Warlocks and witches were the strongest and most powerful of all. It was said that any witch that graduated from Miss Spell's Academy would go on to do great, amazing things for Spookyville – well, Magica said that. Constantly.

As such, Minnie was quite nervous when she first enrolled, as her magic was nothing to brag about. On her first day when she was introduced to her fellow classmates, she tried to be brave when she showed off her familiars – but that bravery was shattered when a wicked cackle interrupted her.

“Two familiars?” A beach-blonde witch laughed, the usual witch with a B found in many fictional school settings, surrounded by her clique of stereotypes. “Who ever heard of a witch with two familiars? She has to be the weakest witch that's ever existed! A witch's familiar helps them with their spells and potions... if you need two, you must need way more help with your pathetic brews!” She finished her insult with a classic haughty chuckle, her black cat on her shoulder copying the noise.

Minnie seemed to shrink in the eyes of all her classmates, while her chipmunks tried to argue for her.  
“Just you wait! Mistress will be a powerful witch someday!  
“We were assigned to her, and we're staying put!”

Minnie sniffled, wishing she was out of the spotlight already. “I-I'll do my best...” she mumbled, but even that didn't sound very enthusiastic. After all, those rude insults were true – Minnie's potions always had missing ingredients, her spells would dissolve before she finished uttering the words, and even her flying broom tended to smash her into more walls than a wrecking crew. She had yet to find her specialty magic, and without it, she wasn't much of a witch.

“That's quite enough out of all of you,” Professor Jessica Rabbit announced, brushing her long red hair out of her eyes. Magica De Spell ruled the school by title, but many would argue that Jessica was the one keeping things together. “Not everyone starts out perfect. You're all here to learn. And I don't want to see this kind of attitude when the Mayor stops by at the end of the week.”

This got gasps and excited whispers from many of the young ladies. “The Mayor?” Minnie asked, having only seen him as a spectator in crowds before. “He's really coming here?”

“He's coming to do an evaluation of the academy,” Jessica explained, “So we'll be setting up a special event for his arrival. On Friday, all of you will be showcasing your best spells for him to see. Make him proud, and maybe we can get extra funding this year. That means more learning opportunities for you girls.” And a new Foosball table in the teacher's lounge.

The girls were very excited to hear this, each of them planning to wow the Mayor with their amazing skills. The only one who wasn't excited was poor Minnie – how could she possibly impress the Mayor when she couldn't even perform a simple spell? She sat down at her desk, lamenting her life. “Maybe I should call in sick that day...”

“Don't give up, Mistress!” Chip sat, sliding down from the brim of her hat to the desk. “You can do anything you put your mind to!”

Minnie sniffled, touched by his belief. “You really think so?”

“We know so!” Dale joined his friend, his fists pumped. “We'll all work really hard together to make a spell that'll knock the Mayor's socks off! We'll practice day and night, night and day, until you're confident!”

With such adorable faith, how could Minnie say no? With a new resolve, Minnie was determined to prove her little friends right. Every day that week, Minnie studied hard, throwing herself into her books. The teachers admired her ambition, even though she continued to fail. The snooty superior classmate continued to mock her efforts, which was rather bold of someone who would wind up so unimportant to this story that the narrator didn't even bother coming up with a name for her.

“HEY!”

Oh, shush, you won't be appearing here after the flashback is done anyway.

The big day came, and everyone gathered in the lush courtyard, excitement sparkling in the air. Magica and Jessica addressed the crowd of witches, reminding them why they were here, and making sure they would put on a good show for the Mayor. “Today is the day I finally prove my school is the best of them all!” Magica cackled, rubbing her hands together in devilish glee. “Especially compared to that fool Scrooge McDuck's School for Warlocks! He'll finally see that I'm so much better than him in every single way! I'll make him eat his words! Then he'll lick my shoes, and then he'll lick my-”

“You're in public, ma'am,” Jessica reminded her.

Most of the students weren't paying attention to Magica De-saster, having gotten used to her weird tangents about the rival principal, and instead prepared their spells for the Mayor's arrival. Minnie was still very nervous, clutching her broomstick in both hands. “Oh, I really hope this works! And I hope the Mayor is nice... I've never seen him up close before. What do you think he's like?”

“It doesn't matter what he's like,” Chip said as he lightly patted Minnie's cheek, standing on her left shoulder. “What matters is what you like! If this is what you want to do, go for it!”  
“We're with you all the way, Mistress!” Dale agreed on her right shoulder. “You'll make us all proud!”

Jessica began loudly clapping to get everyone's attention, as the famous flying coffins had at last appeared in the sky. With a spin and a twirl, the three head honchos of Spookyville arrived – chef Goofy, secretary Donald, and naturally, Mayor Mickey! Many witches swooned and squealed – he was quite the handsome fellow up-close, wasn't he? He lightly tipped his hat in response to all the applause, smiling brightly for everyone. “Gosh, what a beautiful day! Thank you so much for the invitation, Miss Spell! I'm really looking forward to seeing what these ladies can do!”

“You won't be disappointed,” Magica said with a grin, already feeling victorious. “Each and every one of my witches are more powerful than any warlock Scrooge could ever teach! And I know he's told you all about them! He's such a braggart, he's such a pain, has he said anything about me?”

“Public, ma'am,” Jessica reminded her again, before deciding to take control of the conversation. “Perhaps we should get things started... each of the girls has prepared a special presentation of the spells they are the most proud of. Let's start with the newest batch...” She stepped ahead, and with a wave of her hands, commanded the flowers and rose bushes to part so that the ground was clear enough for all their shows. The courtyard was thankfully large enough to host all of the witch students, with a looming forest stretching off into the back. “Minnie Mouse, if you would please...?”

Minnie gulped audibly – she was going first? She could already hear the snickers of her superiors, and tried to swallow down her fear. Hoping she wasn't trembling as much as she thought she was, she slowly walked into the sunlight, the clearing feeling emptier now that she was in it. “I, um... I-I'm going to...” She stammered, feeling everyone's eyes on her. She finally met the Mayor's face – gosh, he really was a looker, wasn't he? - and saw kind patience reflected in his eyes. He merely smiled at her, nodding once, silently encouraging her to do her best.

That one gesture managed to ease her shakes, and after a deep breath, she tried again. “My name is Minnie Mouse, and... I've been working very hard on my broom-flying!” With that, she dropped the broom and let it hover over the ground before hopping on – traditionally, most witches sat for their ride, but her attempt at a special spell allowed her to step on the broom, riding it as one would a skateboard. “Here I go!”

In seconds she was up in the air, riding and rolling as she moved her body back and forth. She spun in circles, flipped upside-down, and even managed to snatch a rose from one of the bushes before tossing it into the crowd. Light clapping began to resonate within the crowd, which grew louder and louder as they saw her dynamic tricks in the air. Confidence began to swell up inside of Minnie's chest – had she at last found her special magic? Was the Mayor impressed?

“What's so special about that?” a voice snapped, and the unnamed necessary rival witch stepped into the clearing, haughty about all the attention the loser was getting. “All witches ride brooms! She might as well be showing off a pointy hat!”

“Wait your turn... whatever your name is!” Jessica demanded, pointing back to the crowd.

“Why should I? My magic is way better than some nobody who needs two familiars! Someone as great as me shouldn't have to learn alongside such weaklings! Behold, my specialty – Wind Magic!” With a wave of her hands, she slammed out two hard waves of wind, shooting them up into the sky and slicing open the clouds. Minnie shrieked, wobbling on her broomstick, close to falling.

“Stop that this instant!” Magica yelled, humiliated by her student's impudence. “This isn't about you, this is about me! … I mean, my school. The school.”

“I have to agree,” Mickey said, his eyes on the poor flailing witch on the sky. “You need to stop before someone gets hurt!”

“And why should I care?” The never-named witch snorted, her hands clenching up as she prepared another spell. “In order to get stronger, you have to push the weak out of your way! And if you're all so eager to help weaklings, then that means I have to push you out of my way too! Take this!” She jumped high, and when she landed, she sent out powerful waves of wind to knock over the students and teachers, laughing evilly as they toppled over like bowling pins. The courtyard was being wrecked, with plants and flowers being ripped away by the roots, the iron fencing now bent in several different directions, which was going to cost the teacher's their Foosball table.“Now, to get rid of the weakest witch around!” She shot one hand up to the air, forcing another hard blast of her power right in Minnie's direction.

Minnie braced herself, but alas, her specialty wasn't flying after all. The wind was too much, and she found herself knocked off the broom, and plummeting toward the ground!

“Open Sesame!”

Before Minnie's eyes, a bright blue door appeared beneath her, opening up and taking her in – so she could land safely into Mickey's arms. She gasped, amazed that seconds before she was sure she'd have gone splat on the ground. Mickey offered a brief smile, before facing the wicked witch of the wind. “This is your last warning, young lady! Apologize right now, or else I'll be forced to stop you!”

“You, stop me?” The girl cackled, ready to fire off another flurry of windy waves. “I've heard about all your so-called power, but you're just a shrimp! Maybe when I take you down, I'll become the new Mayor of Spookyville! And I'll make it so that no one weak will ever live here again!” She pushed her hands together, summoning her strongest winds yet. “Make Spookyville Great Again!”

“I gave you a chance...” Mickey gently set Minnie down on her feet, needing a free hand, although he kept her close with his other arm to make sure she was all right. “Open Sesame!” But this time instead of willing up one door, he waved his cape, and six doors appeared! Each one spun around the wicked witch, catching her wind – and then spitting it right back at her, catching it, spitting it back, over and over again as it tore her pretty outfit to shreds, knocked her lunch out of her stomach, and gave the worst hair day in history. When she finally had the wind knocked out of her, she collapsed in a heap, dizzy beyond measure. Each of the doors vanished, and the courtyard was safe again.

Satisfied, Mickey returned his attention to the little miss in his arm, all smiles again. “I'm glad you're all right! Did she hurt you any?”

Minnie didn't say anything right away, her face hot from having such a pretty boy so close to her. But those new feelings were instantly trampled by humiliation and grief, as she understood that in the end, nothing had changed. “I'm not all right... I'll never be all right! I'm just a weak, pathetic witch who can't even fly her broom right! I'll never find my specialty magic!” Tears flooded her eyes, and she broke free from Mickey's embrace, her chipmunks falling behind in surprise. Her hat flew off with the last remnants of the wind, as Minnie boo-hoo-hoo'd all the way into the forest, wailing at her continuing failure.

Deep within the dark forest, Minnie ran until her feet could no longer carry her, and she sat underneath a tree, crying her little heart out. Why be born a witch if she could never find her magic? She'd never be a real witch, just some phony in a pointy hat. Chip and Dale deserved someone better than a pathetic sadsack like her. She continued to whine and lament her life, so lost in her sadness she didn't see anyone walking up to her until the Mayor was literally in front of her.

She blinked at him, startled, his face blurry in her wet eyes. Mickey had on that same smile as he always did, her hat in his hands. “I think you dropped this,” he said kindly, kneeling down in front of her. “I'm glad that girl didn't hurt you. Minnie, right?”

Minnie sniffled, but shot her eyes down, feeling she didn't deserve his pity. Mickey stayed where he was, watching her. “Sounded to me like you haven't quite found your specialty magic yet... that can be really frustrating, huh? I was like that too... it took me ages to find out what suited me best.”

Reluctantly, Minnie lifted her head. “It did? … B-But you did wind up finding it! I feel like I'll never find mine! I try, and I work, but nothing ever goes right for me! I don't know what to do!”

“I think that's your problem,” Mickey replied, as calm as ever. “See... everyone's magic is special to them and them alone, because that's what they needed. Your magic won't come to you unless you find something you can dedicate yourself to... something you can believe in with your heart, something you want to do.” He jabbed a thumb backwards and over his shoulder. “My pal Goofy? He wanted to make his friends happy, and to him, nothing makes anyone happier than a good meal, so he found Cooking Magic! And Donald, why, he wanted to keep everything neat and orderly, so no one would be late and worry about things, and that's how he found Writing Magic.”

He then chuckled quietly, recalling his own days learning the ins and outs of magic. “As for me... ever since I was little, all I've ever wanted to do was help Spookyville. But the town itself isn't what makes it great... it's the people. I wanted to open new doors for them, so that's how I wound up with Door Magic. And that's how it'll be for you, too.” Minnie was ready to whimper that she didn't know how, but Mickey silenced her by tilting her chin up with his fingers. “Find what you love, find what you care about, and your magic will come to you. And I promise... I'll be rooting for you all the way.”

Minnie's eyes widened, and a brand new sensation entered her heart. Chip and Dale's belief was something she was used to, and they were her familiars, they were supposed to cheer her on. But to have the support of someone so amazing and powerful as this? It was overwhelming! He would really root for her, after all that? Her heart began to pound, and there was a spark in her soul. What was this feeling...? “You... you really believe in me?”

“Wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.” Mickey gently placed her hat back on her head, tilting it just right to expose her pretty eyes. “When we meet again, I know you'll find your magic. I give my word as Mayor... you're going to be someone incredible.”

As sweet as the moment was, it couldn't last forever. Donald arrived on the scene first, followed by Goofy and the chipmunks. “We'll have to reschedule the entire day, sir.” Donald sighed in annoyance, writing this down in his book. “The entire courtyard needs to be repaired, so I'll arrange it so that you can try this again the same time next week.”

“Fine by me!” Mickey chirped, not terribly deterred by the day's events. He stood up straight, and tilted his hat to Minnie once with a bow of his head. “Next week, huh? I'll see you then, Minnie. I can hardly wait!” With one wink, he turned away from her, rejoining his comrades.

Once they were a good distance away, Donald murmured with a smirk, “Cute, isn't she? What are you thinking?”

Mickey grinned, his tail flicking back and forth underneath his cape. “Heh heh heh! Well.. maybe once the show's over next week, I can ask Minnie if she's free for dinner...”

Goofy chuckled, deciding to celebrate the moment with a fresh batch of cookies from his hat. “Aw, shucks, Mayor! You sweet on the little lady?”

“A girl as adorable as that? You betcha!” Mickey replied earnestly, unable to stop his cheer. The girl was a real beauty, so delicate and sweet. The poor thing needed someone to take care of her, and he'd be more than happy to be that someone. “Boy oh boy, I can't wait for next week!”

Chip and Dale raced to their mistress, crawling onto her lap to see if she was better.  
“Are you okay, Mistress?”  
“What's the matter, Mistress?”

But Minnie couldn't hear their voices, her eyes locked on Mickey's back even as he walked further and further away. Something she could dedicate herself to... something she could believe in with her heart, something she would want to do...

Her eyes glittered, and in that exact moment, she knew exactly that her specialty magic was.

During that week, Minnie wasn't seen as much, locking herself away to dedicate herself to her new studies. Whatever her presentation for Friday would be was a mystery, as she refused to discuss it with anyone. She didn't want to speak a word of it until she was sure it was perfected, and no one could guess what it could be. Not that anyone expected too much – a weak witch that needed two familiars probably wouldn't amount to much, no matter what their specialty was.

Come Friday, and once again everyone was in the courtyard, save for the unnamed witch, as she had served her purpose and was now spending time in the hospital, St. Matilda's Home For The Plot Devices. Once more, the witches were gathered, led by Jessica and Magica, and once more the Mayor and his lackeys arrived. 

“This will go much smoother this time, I swear it!” Magica declared, the wrinkles on her face deeper today. “I promise you, my school is way better than Scrooge's! He's nothing compared to me! Did he get my letters, he refuses to answer my texts!”

“Public.” Jessica lightly pushed Magica aside. “Mayor, you honor us with your presence. If it's all right with you, may I choose Minnie to start again? I believe she's made some real strides since the last time we saw her.” Granted, Jessica hadn't seen those strides, but she wanted to believe in her young pupil. Why else would Minnie spend all that time by herself if it wasn't to better her abilities?

Mickey beamed, more than happy to see the fair maiden again. “Sure thing! I bet she'll do great! Let's start the day off with a bang!”

This time, the Minnie that walked out into the clearing didn't have a single shake in her step, and boldly met everyone's eyes. However, she didn't have a broom with her – instead, she carried a single thin black wand, holding it in one hand as a conductor would wield their baton. Chip and Dale stayed by her feet, giving each other wary glances. Mickey almost didn't recognize this confident girl, who stood with a straight spine and nary a worry. When she smiled at him, he could've sworn his heart skipped a beat. Maybe bold girls could be adorable too!

“Mayor Mickey, fellow students and faculty...” Minnie began after a light curtsy. “For the longest time, I struggled in the ways of the witch. Because I didn't know what I was passionate about, I couldn't find my magic. But at long last, I've finally found it... the thing I will dedicate myself to, which I will fight for, the thing that gives my life meaning and purpose.” She raised her wand, and the tip began to glow bright pink, and the crowd found themselves leaning in, very curious about this turn of events. “I believe my magic is the first of its kind... the one and only... Make Mayor Mickey Mine Magic!”

“...What,” said Jessica.

“What,” said Magica.

“What?” said Goofy and Donald together.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!” said the entire crowd of witches.

The only one who didn't say anything was Mickey himself, whose romantic illusions were swiftly shattered. He raised a finger, opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He didn't just hear that, right? Surely he misheard. He slowly glanced to his assistants who were just as thrown off as he was.

“And to that end,” Minnie continued, ignoring everyone's shock, “My magic will allow me to do whatever it takes to make the mayor fall in love with me! Even if it means getting rid of anyone in my way! Hope you don't mind!” With a cheerful giggle, she wiggled her fingers, and the innocent wand poofed into an innocent semi-automatic that was decorated in glitter and hearts. “I love you, Mayor~!” Without another word of warning, she began firing off love-potion-rounds, blowing up several holes in Mickey's hat before he finally found the nerve to run for the hills.

Naturally, Goofy and Donald were quick on his heels, with Donald forced to change the schedule again. “So, I guess this means the date's off?”

“DATE IS OFF, DATE IS OFF, DATE IS SO VERY VERY OFF!” Mickey yelled, feeling the bullets whiz by his big black ears. Figures the one girl he was ever remotely interested in had a hidden psychotic side.

“Aw, come on, stay still, you big silly!” Minnie flicked her weapon around, turning it into a massive hammer with the same garish pink colors and decoration. “I love youuu~!” But her aim wasn't the best, and as a result, not only did she smash one of the school walls over, she sent several of her students flying. “Let's get married and have lots and lots of adorable little Mickeys!” She squealed as she turned her hammer into a shotgun, “And we'll go on a honeymoon that lasts a thousand years!” shotgun into a chainsaw, “We already have the same last name, it's destiny at work!” chainsaw into a tank...

Magica and Jessica stood in stunned awe as they saw their precious school being demolished in a lovey-dovey rampage, the two of them wishing their talents lay in Booze Magic.

“It occurs to me,” Jessica murmured, mentally calculating the cost of the damages, “that perhaps her needing two familiars isn't because she's _weaker_ than other witches... but that she's more _powerful_ than other witches. Could that be a viable theory?”

“If it's true,” Magica muttered, seeing her precious academy steamrolled by an actual magical steamroller, “Then Spookyville is doomed.”

~*~

“Wow, it's been a whole year since then?” Chip asked, marveled at how soon it had been compared to how fast it felt.  
“Are you going to do anything to celebrate?” Dale asked, equally surprised.

“Oh, we'll have plenty of time for celebrations once the Mayor and I are married,” Minnie answered, spotting her homely house on the hill. “And I bet my next plan will get his heart for sure! Come on, boys, we've got a lot of work to do!”

“It's been a whole year since then?” Goofy reaffirmed, hoping to soothe Mickey's nerves with a plate of pumpkin-flavored sweets. “I feel like just yesterday we were running from her love-laced arrows!”

“That was just yesterday,” Donald reminded him. “Not much we can do about it now. Once someone discovers their specialty magic, there's no going back.”

“Don't rub it in,” Mickey huffed, angrily biting down on an orange cookie, his office building on the horizon. “And I bet her next plan will be even worse... come on, guys, we've got a lot to prepare for.”

And so, ladies and gentlemen, this is the daily life of two of Spookyville's most famous, and infamous, residents. Are you ready for four more tales of wacky witches, mopey mayors, and loveydovey shenanigans?

(If you said yes, please seek therapy.)

Welcome... To Spookyville!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can a character be a called a "rival" when he literally has zero chance of winning? Well, here's the Rival Chapter anyway, starring the man everyone loves to hate - Mortimer!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to my amazing editors Drucilla and BlueShifted!
> 
> "Mel, is there ever going to be a day where you don't make Mortimer some kind of douchey villain?"  
> PROBABLY NOT. It's not my fault he makes for excellent jerkery. The guy was created to be a pain in the butt, I am just doing my civic duty.
> 
> Anyway, I'm pleased that so many of you are enjoying this comedic romp, and hope you will continue to enjoy the rest!

For the next tale in our collection of Spookyville days, we briefly return to Magica De Spell's Bewitching Academy. While Minnie was insanely powerful, or perhaps just powerful and insane, she still needed a proper education... mostly because we need a handy setting. The days of bullying were long past, with Minnie now one of the most popular, and feared, students in the entire academy.

As such, when she frolicked down the elaborately long hallways on this seemingly average day, a redheaded witch waved to her from around a corner. “Minnie, Minnie, guess what? We have visitors today!”

Minnie's mind, as always, went to one place. “Is it the Mayor?”

“No, they're warlocks from Scrooge's school! They decided to – DON'T WALK OFF WHEN SOMEONE'S TALKING TO YOU!” She grabbed Minnie by the arm and tried to drag her back. “Come on, this story is about you, you can't walk off willy-nilly!”

Minnie tsked, but allowed herself to be pulled away. “If it's not the Mayor, why should I care?”

“As I was saying... Scrooge allowed some of his most powerful students to come visit today, and they're showing off all their magic in the courtyard! Everyone's watching, maybe we can pick up a few spells! Or we could pick up some strong boyfriends! Come on, come on, it'll be fun!” The witch happily tugged Minnie outside to show exactly what she was saying – three warlocks had come to visit, and they were entertaining a large crowd of witches, all of them swooning over the new boys. Minnie didn't find any of this remotely interesting, instead choosing to use her magic to pop up a Harlequin romance novel starring herself and Mickey. 

The three warlocks were amazing, but the most powerful of them all happened to be the tallest – he strutted into the foreground, raising his wand high. “Ladies and...ladies! I, Mortimer Rodawn, am here to show you the most powerful magic that has ever existed – Summoning Magic!” This earned him many “oooh”s and “aaah”s, save for Minnie, who was much more interested in ripping bodices. “With my magic, I can summon any matter of spirit or monster with just a wave of my wand! Behold!” He pointed his large black wand at the ground, and the tip of his wand glowed bright white, before shooting at the dirt, resembling a fishing line. Mortimer yanked hard, managing to pull out a burning creature with extra limbs and eyes, showing him off as if he had caught a massive tuna. “A Fire Imp! Impressive, no?”

Applause broke out, which helped mask the sound of the Imp telling Mortimer he now owed him forty bucks, and a hushed “Shush!”.

“Wow, Mortimer is sooo cool!”  
“Wow, Mortimer can do anythiiing!”  
“Wow, Minnie, don't you think Mortimer is wonderfuuul?”

Minnie wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention, flipping a page and wondering if next time she could poof up a book with illustrations. But while Minnie wasn't paying attention to Mortimer, he was paying attention to her – he heard the name and paused, as that was quite the infamous name around Spookyville. “Holy Horsefeathers,” he said to himself as he drop-kicked his business partner away. “I've heard about that chick! Word is that she's the strongest witch that's ever lived!” And the strongest witch should belong to the strongest warlock, according to his sexist narrative. So which one was she? Mortimer's eyes scanned the crowd before falling on the correct target.

“He _llooo_!” Mortimer whistled, already beginning to make tracks for her. Even if she wasn't Minnie, what a cutie patootie! He had arranged this trip to Magica's school with the lying pretext of helping fellow magic-users, but the truth was he just desperately wanted a hot girlfriend, as is the goal of most bragging men. And what a score! A girl that pretty should be on the arm of a guy this good-looking!

The narrator would like to remind everyone that this was Mortimer's frank opinion of himself and not reality.

“Was that tidbit necessary?!” Mortimer snapped before returning to the story, stopping in front of Minnie, cupping his chin and grinning down at her. “A-hem. And who might you be, gorgeous? If I'd known a girl like you was in this school, I would've come here on day one!”

Minnie continued to ignore him, so the other witches tried to help out in their own way.  
“This is Minnie Mouse!”  
“She's the most powerful witch in our school!”  
“Our insurance doesn't cover what she does anymore.”

So _this_ was Minnie? It was hard to believe! Someone this tiny and adorable was capable of destroying everything in sight with a well-timed giggle? Mortimer decided to ignore common sense, and instead got down on one knee. “I guess this makes us both the best of our schools! And you know, the best deserves the best! How about it, toots? You, me, and a ridiculously expensive restaurant?”

Minnie would have kept on ignoring his very existence, if someone else's existence hadn't perked her attention. She glanced over, and her eyes widened, her face going from stoic to cute in five seconds flat. “Oh...!” A hand touched her heart, a very maiden in the throes of love! “You're here!”

Mortimer couldn't stop grinning, under the assumption this expression of adoration was all for him. “I sure am, babe!” He held out his hand, ready to take her to a whole new world, shining shimmering, splendid. “From now on, it's you and-”

“MICKEYYY!” Mortimer found Minnie's boot in his face, his head being used as gymnastics equipment so Minnie could flip over him. “You came for meeeeee!”

Off in the distance, a familiar shape started sprinting. “I WAS PASSING BY! HELLLP!”

Mortimer stayed on his knee for a bit, blinking, the shoe impression still on his face, as Minnie's usual chase began far away from everyone. “What just happened?”

The rest of the witches weren't surprised.  
“I'd give up asking her out, Mortimer, she's only got eyes for the Mayor.”  
“And last week she tried to steal his eyes.”  
“That was a new level of horrifying.”

Give up? _Give up?_ Such words weren't in Mortimer's vocabulary, like “personal space” and “respecting women's choices”! “Maybe you all didn't hear me the first time around... I am Mortimer Rodawn!” He rose to his feet, eyes blazing as the imaginary gauntlet was thrown. “I'm the most powerful warlock, so I should have the most powerful witch! It's only natural! Just you wait and see... I will make Minnie Mouse my girlfriend!”

No, he won't.

~*~

Later that day, Minnie was flying back home on her broomstick, not even remembering the useful footstool she found at school. She could spot her familiars, Chip and Dale, waving at her from her mailbox, and she flew down to greet them. “Hi, dears! Thanks for house-sitting today! I hope you weren't too bored.”

“Not at all, Mistress!”  
“Mistress, you've got mail!”

Minnie popped open the lid to her glittery pink mailbox. “Is it another one of the Mayor's restraining orders? He has such adorable penmanship!” But regret filled her nostrils instantly, and she staggered backward, clutching her nose. “Ugh! What is that awful smell? It's like a dragon threw up in there!” Enjoy the mental image.

Chip decided to brave the storm, pinching his nose as he hopped into the mailbox and pulled out the offender. “It's from this letter... I think it's cologne.”

“Why would someone put cologne on a letter? Is this the 50's? I thought that time-travel spell wore off last week,” Minnie said as she took the letter and gently took it out of it's envelope. The chipmunks hopped to her shoulder to give it a read as well.“Let's see here...”

_Dear Minnie Mouse,_

_I have fallen head over broomsticks in love with you. For me, there can be no one else but you. Please honor me with a date tomorrow – enclosed are tickets to the new amusement park, Six Hags World. If you could return my affections, meet me on the white bench around noon. I await your response, as my heart could only ever be soothed by your sweet face._

_Sincerely, Your Secret Admirer._

Minnie stared long and hard at the letter, before quietly folding it back up... and then letting out a delighted squeal so loud it shattered some of her windows. “The Mayor's asking me out on a date! FINALLY!”

The Chipmunks had to cling to her dress, lest Minnie's excited dancing knock them off. “H-Hang on, Mistress! How do you know it's the Mayor?”

“Because I just know it!” Minnie said, satisfied with this logic, and began to skip to her house. “Oooh, I've got to get ready! A lovey-dovey date at the amusement park, I couldn't have thought of a better idea myself!”

“But the Mayor doesn't wear cologne!” Dale tried to reason with her.

“He must have done it as a special occasion!”

“But that's not the Mayor's handwriting!” Chip also made a desperate plea.

“He must have done it to keep it a surprise!”

“But the Mayor is terrified of you!” both Chipmunks groaned.

“I should get a new dress!” Minnie said as she slammed the door open, prancing to a mirror to check herself out. “And new perfume, and a new broomstick too!” It was clear that reality wasn't Minnie's friend, so the Chipmunks decided pointing out the obvious wasn't going to do a lick of good. They hopped off her dress and began to help gather date essentials like mints and pepper spray.

“Whoever it is,” Chip mumbled as he set out Minnie's vast collection of bows, “I hope they know what they're doing.”

“And if they don't,” Dale added as he dragged Minnie's purse onto the table, emptying the usual content of love potion switchblades, “I hope they have a good co-pay set up with the hospital.”

~*~

Tomorrow arrived, and Minnie was as prepared as she ever would be. She decided to celebrate her first date with Mickey by wearing a new dress that was covered in small fabric doors, to copy the look of his cape. As she flew to the park, her mind was filled with thoughts of the future, because after this successful first date, they'd have a million more! And then he'd ask for her hand in marriage, and then they'd have the biggest wedding Spookyville would ever see, and then they'd have six kids, and then she'd time their deaths just perfectly so they'd die at the same time and that way they'd never have to suffer being alone for a single solitary second! How romantic!

Spotting the white bench was easy enough, and she took a seat, patiently smoothing down her dress and folding her hands together. Oh, the first date, how exciting! Maybe they'd scream on the roller coasters together, and then share some disgusting and outrageously priced park food, and then they'd ride through The Tunnel Of Love – and because Tunnels of Love don't exist anywhere anymore, she'd have to make one. Don't think she wouldn't. Getting lost in daydreams was very easy, and she kicked her feet back and forth as she imagined this and that, _Aaah Mayor we shouldn't, not in publiiiic, ooooh~_

“Hiya toots!”

Minnie turned her head and instead of seeing the Mayor, she saw Mortimer, surprisingly absolutely no one if they ever read a single book before in their lives. He held out a bouquet of blood-red roses, brandishing a charming smile. “Don't you look gorgeous? Of course, I bet you could even make a potato sack look gorgeous!” He ignored the fact Minnie was staring at him blankly, but as he went on with the ill-thought compliments - “I love that dress, but I'd love it even better if it was on my floor, eh? Eh?” - it became harder to ignore the fact she was using him as a ladder and trying to look all around and behind him. “Get it? Because if it's on my floor, it means... What are you doing?”

“I'm trying to locate my secret admirer, now move.” Minnie's usual cheery voice didn't contain a single ounce of mirth. “You're blocking the way.”

“Consider me located!” Mortimer flipped his collar up, refusing to accept defeat. “Take a good whiff! Recognize it?”

Minnie's dead eyes grew darker, and she reluctantly sniffed – yep, it was the dragon puke smell, all right. “You. You sent the letter.”

“That's right! Now, what do you want to ride first? How about the Haunted House, which is a really weird thing to have in a Halloween setting?”

Minnie didn't say anything right away, instead slowly taking the flowers from his hands. “... And you are...?”

Mortimer was having a harder and harder time trying to twist this in his mind. Maybe she was just playing! She couldn't possibly have forgotten him already. He was right in her face and everything! He still had that foot impression in his face! “Mortimer. Mortimer Rodawn! The greatest warlock from Scrooge McDuck's School for Warlocks!” No recognition. “I visited your school yesterday!” Still nothing. “I asked you out!” Zip, nada, zero. “... You used my face as a footstool.”

It took Minnie a couple of seconds to go through yesterday's memories, and naturally Mickey always came first, so she rewound it a bit. “... Huh. Oh, yeah, the squishy footstool.”

It was something, at least? “Okay, now that you remember, are you ready for the greatest date, with the greatest man?”

Minnie looked down at the flowers in her hands, rubbing one of the petals between her fingers. “I have one question for you, Mister Footstool.”

“Ask and be answered, babe! I'm an open book, and you're my new chapter!”

“How important is having children to you?”

Mortimer's heart jumped into his throat, and he blushed heavily as he cleared his throat. He heard some girls moved really fast, but she was a cheetah! “W-well! Personally I'd love a little boy who was exactly like me... we could call him Mortimer Junior!” He went on to describe how Mortimer Junior would be the apple of his father's eye, causing him to miss Minnie poofing the bouquet into a metal baseball bat. “I don't suppose you'd be interesting in continuing the Rodawn family line right now, would you? Heh heh heh?

Minnie swung the bat back, “Actually, you're about to be the last in the family tree.” And hit a home run in Mortimer's ball park. To make sure the lesson was learned, she made a double play before taking a walk, the bat on her shoulder as she headed for the exit. “Oh well... this wasn't a total loss. I'll go visit the Mayor and show him my new dress! It's a good thing I packed extra love potion tranquilizers in my purse!” Just like that, her melodic voice was back to normal, and she skipped to and fro, ever the image of a dainty maiden.

As for Mortimer, he was now laying on the ground, unable to feel anything below the waist. It was really a miracle he was able to think of anything beyond OW, but his few brain cells managed to do it. As he lay there, twitching and trying not to black out, he recalled what the other witches had said – that Minnie was fond of the Mayor. Clearly, she wasn't going to even give any guy a chance until this problem was dealt with. Mortimer's pride was a deadly, stupid thing so he decided there was only one course of action to take.

In order to make Minnie his girl, he'd have to get rid of the competition. If Minnie saw that Mortimer was stronger than Mickey, surely she'd want to be with him instead! Of course this incredibly misogynist line of reasoning would work, as it had for every other male that had existed since the dawn of time. Yes, this would work! He would challenge the Mayor and make Minnie his!

… Just as soon as he could get up. Which, as it turned out, took six hours, not including the reconstructive surgery.

~*~

The following day, Mayor Mickey was in his office – a building right in the middle of Spookyville, shaped exactly like his iconic hat. It was a regular day, doing lots of boring paperwork and working hard to make sure his town could thrive happily, his destructive stalker notwithstanding. Donald was reading out the day's schedule as Mickey signed another stack of papers, when Goofy strolled in, holding up a letter up in his hand. “Hey, Mayor! You got a letter today!”

Mickey was immediately apprehensive. “It's not from Minnie, is it?”

“Shoot, Mayor, if it was, I'm pretty sure it would've exploded by now,” Goofy said confidently as he headed for the desk to hand the letter over. “Plus, this one smells funny. Kinda like a dragon upchucked all over it.”

Donald rubbed his temples. “If we keep making puke jokes, we're going to need a trigger warning for this chapter.”

Mickey's nose wrinkled at the odor, but being the polite sort he opened the letter, and his subordinates couldn't help but lean over his shoulder and read along.

_Dear Mayor Mickey,_

_I have fallen head over broomsticks in hatred with you. For me, there can be no other rival but you. Please honor with me a fight today – enclosed are the directions for our battlefield, Pumpkin Patch Park. If you could return my enmity, meet me under the white clock around noon. I await your response, as my heart could only be soothed by beating you senseless._

_Sincerely, Your Secret Hater._

Mickey blinked a bit as he reread to make sure he understood that correctly. “Huh! Who could hate me that much?”

“Oswald the Lucky Rabbit?” Goofy offered.

“Don't go down that road,” Donald warned. “That guy somehow still has fans and we'd be dead before dinner.”

The Mayor cleared his throat. “Still, it looks like whoever this is, is pretty determined to have a fight. I better go down there and make sure he doesn't bother anyone else. Donald, can we fit it into today's schedule?”

“I can move some things around. I think you can afford to delay meeting the People For Procrastinators again.”

“Excellent! It's almost noon now, so let's get going. I'm sure whoever this is, we can settle this with a good talk and some pumpkin spice tea.”

“I sure hope so,” Goofy said as he and Donald followed the Mayor out. “Seeing as that's the only tea we ever serve.”

~*~

Pumpkin Patch Park was... well, exactly do you think it was? A park filled with pumpkins. It was often used for romantic dates while sitting atop the biggest and tallest pumpkins, and Mortimer planned to use this same battlefield as a date-field once he had beaten the Mayor. He had made sure to send Minnie another letter as well – this time slipping in twenty bucks to make sure she read it – so she could personally see the Mayor's defeat at his hands. He waited under the large white clock in the foreground of the park, twirling his wand in his hands. There was no limit to what he could summon, and he had the perfect plan to ensure victory. Minnie would be his!

Speak of the devil – or who even the devil was afraid of – there came his targets from opposite sides of town. In one direction, Minnie was riding on her broomstick, Chip and Dale sitting alongside her comfortably. In the other, the three batty coffins, which spun in the air before dropping off their occupants. Mickey looked at Mortimer, and Mortimer looked at Mickey, a serious gaze between them.

“So, you're the one who sent the letter?” Mickey asked, holding the same smelly envelope in his fingers.

“That's right, buddy,” Mortimer sneered, jabbing a thumb to his chest. “I am Mortimer Rodawn, the strongest student in Scrooge McDuck's School for Warlocks! I challenge you to a fight!”

“And what for?” Mickey asked. “I don't have any problems with you, and I'd rather noOOOAAAAH GET HER OFF!” Any idea to discuss this manner civilly was wrecked when Minnie slammed right into Mickey, tackling him down for a love snuggle. “EMPLOY TACTIC 64!”

“Tactic 64 is a go!” Donald shouted, quickly flipping his pen around to use his Writing Magic – one scribble later, and there was a squeaky Mayor Mickey plush in his hand. “Hey, Minnie, look here.” He then calmly tossed it to his left, and as expected, Minnie dive for the adorable toy, eager to have her mitts on anything that remotely resembled her one true love.

“As I was saying,” Mickey said as he stood back up, his clothes completely disheveled, “why do you want to fight me?”

“THAT'S WHY!” Mortimer yelled, flailing and pointing at the witch who was cuddling with her new toy. “The strongest warlock should have the strongest witch, but she's drooling all over you! She won't even give me a second look unless I get rid of the competition! So I'm here to fight you, and when I do, then I'll be the Mayor!”

“That's... not how it works,” Mickey said slowly, wondering if Mortimer had a few screws loose. “I mean, there's the democratic processes, voter registration-”

“Yadda yadda yadda ARE YOU GOING TO FIGHT ME OR NOT?” Mortimer ignored logic, as always, brandishing his wand forward like a knight's sword. “No one has ever been able to defeat me before in Scrooge's school, and it's not going to happen now! I won't take no for an answer!”

“Then why did you ask-”

“And with my Summon Magic, I'll reign supreme! I can call forth any matter of monster to destroy you! So prepare for a world of pain, Mortimer Rodawn style!” He finished with a classic villain's laughter, “mwa ha ha”s and all.

Mickey glanced to his friends, who gave one shoulder shrugs, and then replied, “Okay, let's get this over with.”

“Have fun, honey!” Minnie chirped, making the plush wave hello.

“COULD SOMEONE PLEASE AT LEAST _PRETEND_ TO BE INTIMIDATED BY ME?!” With the last of his ego wrecked, Mortimer pointed his wand to the ground, using the fishing rod method again, pulling hard so he could yank forth a truly powerful menace. “You'll pay for not taking me seriously! I'm calling forth the biggest and biggest guy around... the One-Eyed-Ogre!” The ground shook hard, several pumpkins rolling off their vines, as the hideous monster began to crawl forth from the white light.

It was impossibly tall, with cracked skin and jagged fangs protruding from its heaving jaws. Its muscles bulged, dangerous nails scraping the earth beneath him, and it began to drool in ravenous hunger. Mortimer laughed again, pointing ahead at his enemy who was calmly eating one of Goofy's cookies. “I am your Master, Mortimer Rodawn, the strongest student at Scrooge McDuck's School For Warlocks! There's your opponent! Destroy everything in your path, and leave nothing behind!” The Ogre let out a bloodthirsty roar, charging forward, fists swinging - 

“Open Sesame.” Mickey yawned, flicking one of his doors out in front of him. As expected, the door opened up, and swallowed the Ogre whole in two seconds.

Mortimer stared at where his monster used to be, thrown off by how anticlimactic everything had gotten quickly. “... All right, gunna need another minute to summon another one, hang on.”

“Before you do,” Mickey countered, holding up two fingers, “I'd like to bring up two things. First off, nice as it is that you're number one at Scrooge's School... that kind of means nothing, because I'm the strongest warlock in Spookyville.”

Mortimer paused. “And... what's the second thing?”

“I just sent mister 'destroy everything in your path and leave nothing behind' to your house.”

Mortimer dropped his wand before letting out a string of expletives that, for the sake of not making this story have a higher rating, will be left to your imagination. After letting out that profuse scream of curses, he began to bolt back to his house, hoping he could at least save his collection of PlayWitch magazines. “I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, MAYOR!”

Goofy offered a napkin to dab away the crumbs on Mickey's face. “Do you think we'll ever see him again, Mayor?”

“Knowing this story structure,” Donald answered, “he'll probably make a comeback for a climatic showdown in the last chapter... if anyone bothers to keep reading this nonsense. Shall we head back to your office?”

Mickey nodded, and took a step forward – before falling flat on his face. It felt like his shoelaces had been tied together – but it actually had been different strings around his feet, and Minnie was happily holding the other ends. “I just had the best idea – if I turn _you_ into a plush, then I can cuddle you lots and lots without you ever dying when I squeeze too hard!”

And so ended another day of Spookyville, with Donald and Goofy frantically trying to untie the Mayor while Minnie prattled on about how fun a Mickey Marionette would be.

Wait, is this really how a chapter should end? Maybe it'd be best to do one of those dramatic endings that introduce a character that will show up in the next chapter. What do you think, Daisy?

“I think those are kind of cheesy.”

Good point.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Minnie learns that Mickey's secretary has a crush, she decides to become Minnie the MatchMaker! How could it possibly go wr-ALL THE WAYS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, big thanks to my editors Drucilla and BlueShifted, both of which were rather creeped out by this chapter. I feel so proud.
> 
> Not much to say this time around, but I feel I do need to assure you that just because I put a character through hell, it doesn't mean I don't love them. If anything, it shows how much I love them! (Which is why it's probably a godsend to the rest of the world that I don't date.)
> 
> The song featured is from a classic Donald cartoon!

The next tale in our absurd collection takes place after one of Minnie's latest wild goose chases around Spookyville – this is not a metaphor, she created a flock of magic wild geese to chase down the Mayor. It failed, as usual, but they sure left their marks, especially on the seats of the trousers of the Mayor's poor associates. Minnie never cried over her failures too long anymore – to her, it meant something new to learn, like how the Mayor was horribly allergic to goose down. Oh well, his head would stop swelling eventually, and then he'd surely forgive her.

She flounced back to her home on the hill, stopping every now and then to brush some feathers from her dress, making small-talk with her smaller familiars. As they discussed how to improve the next plan, it was Chip who remarked, “Say, did you guys notice that Donald got distracted mid-way through the day?”

“I saw that too!” Dale replied, sitting comfortably on Minnie's shoulder. “Wasn't that the oddest thing?”

“Why, I didn't see that,” Minnie said, surprised by this new information. “I was too busy watching the Mayor... was Donald really that distracted?”

“I swear it!” Chip saluted, always loyal to his lunatic. “I think it was when we were passing the Boo-tique-”

“That's a terrible pun!” Dale groaned.

“Spookyville is 99% terrible puns! And 1% outdated Halloween memes!”

Minnie let them bicker about nonsense as she threw open her front door, terribly curious. “Boys, I need to find out what happened! This could be crucial to my next idea! The Mayor's difficult to get alone, but if I can get rid of his friends, he'll be an easy, adorable target! Now, let me see...” Once her chipmunks hopped off, she began to dig into her closet, tossing magical tools over her shoulder. “Something in here should let me see what got Donald's attention... Enchanted Elixirs, Bewitching Brews, my personalized lockpicking kit...a-ha!” Satisfied, Minnie popped back up holding a remote control in her fingers. “I got this last year for Witchmas! The Clock-Clicker! I tell it a memory, and it'll play it back!”

“That is incredibly convenient,” Chip quipped.

“And to think we almost returned it for a coffee-maker!” Dale added.

Minnie spun around, pointing the clicker in the air and pressing several buttons before uttering the right spell.

“It happened today, a little past ten,  
I saw my Mayor, I know exactly when,  
Right around the Boo-tique, an eye was caught,  
So be a dear and just tell me what!”

The remote glowed white, before shooting out a stream of fluffy clouds that formed a television screen, replaying the day's events. There went Minnie, happily skipping down the street, while citizens and mayors alike ran screaming from the flock of untamed animals she had released to nip at his heels. “Looks like a normal day so far,” Minnie commented as she watched, waiting for the turn around the corner.

“Wait for it...” Chip held his breath, before pointing. “There, right there, pause it!”

Click! Minnie froze the screen, and then leaned in – true enough, Donald had suddenly turned his head to the left, his attention caught elsewhere, instead of on the rabid goose trying to bite down on his tail-feathers. “Why, Chip, you're right! I wonder what made him look!” A few more experimental button-presses allowed her to zoom in past the flurry of white feathers and destroyed street pavement.

Right in front of the Boo-tique, gazing at the windows and ignoring the rampant chaos behind her, stood a young lady duck with her eyes glued to the dresses inside. She was definitely a pretty thing, decked in blues of all types and tints. Silhouettes of tiny mice poked around her hat, held together by a sparkling purple band, and her hands were comfortably resting in a fluffy periwinkle muffler. Her dressed appeared to glitter and gleam with every movement she made, which is perhaps what snagged Donald's eyes in the first place, though it was the rest of her that kept him looking.

Cute as it was, if he had managed to pay more attention to the danger than the dame, he wouldn't have been run over by the geese and the witch herself seconds later, making his back into the world's weirdest runway. Minnie clapped her hands together, intrigued and giddy. “Why, this is perfect! He's got a crush on this nice girl! We should set them up!”

“That's awfully nice of you to suggest, mistress!” Chip said.

“So how are you going to ruin it, mistress?” Dale said.

“If we get them together,” Minnie explained, turning off the image, “Then Donald will spend more time with her and less time with the Mayor! That means his defenses will have a big gap, and my plans to make him mine will increase by 30%!” Warning – trying to attempt this math will make you go cross-eyed. “If there's anyone who knows anything about love, it's Minnie Mouse, Matchmaker Master!” She stuck her fingers in her mouth, whistling for her broom.

“Not that we don't doubt your abilities in the slightest,” Chip easily lied, “But how are you going to do it?”

“Yeah, mistress, your magic is all about winning over the Mayor! … Or killing him. The comedic narrative makes it kind of hard to tell what your aim is,” Dale tried to reason as best he could. “Can it really be used to make someone else fall in love?”

“I won't know unless I try!” Minnie announced, yanking her broom over once it was within reach. “You boys stay here and get rid of the goose pen, I don't think we'll be needing that anymore. Maybe love lions would do better...” She then waved a hand, that would wait another day. “For now, my aim is one Donald Duck! Wish me luck!” She sat atop her broom and flew out the window, humming merrily along the way.

The chipmunks silently agreed that someone else probably needed that luck much, much more.

~*~

At the Mayor's office, Mickey had avoided a visit to the hospital thanks to a magical epi-pen, which is the same as a regular epi-pen, except it's magical. With Minnie's threat over for the day, he could get to work. He shuffled his papers, trying to remember the day's agenda before Minnie decided to... you know, he really had no idea what that last plan would have succeeded in doing, it was perhaps best not to dwell on it. “Okay, guys, where were we?”

“It was just about lunch-time!” Goofy said as he pulled out a tray of triple-decker sandwiches from his hat. “That is if your throat still isn't swelled up... also, what's the difference between the geese that chased us and Donald's distant cousins?”

“We don't have time to deal with existential fourth-wall breaking,” Donald said after clearing his throat, flipping open his notebook. “After your lunch, you need to look over the newest forms concerning donations at the local blood bank. Then you have a meeting with the democratic skeleton society, Dem Bones - ”

“That pun's so bad we should be sued over it.”

“That's your 3'clock appointment. After that, I have to be caught in a magical pink lasso... wait.” Donald paused, not remembering when he wrote that in the schedule – because he hadn't, it was happening right now, thanks to an open window. All three heads swiveled around to see who was on the other end, and take a fair guess.

“Hiii!” Minnie chirped outside, waving the other end of the lasso about as she sat on her broom. “I just need to borrow Donald for a little while! Thanks, bye!” With a click of her heels, the broom sped off, taking Donald with it with a loud “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!”

Mickey blinked at the now empty space in his office. He supposed the reasonable, rational, nice thing to do would be to follow them and make sure nothing happened to his secretary. Then again, he did have a lot of paperwork to get to, and without Donald around, he wouldn't be given more of it. He took a sandwich and thought as he chewed. “You know... he is pretty powerful, I'm sure he can take care of himself. Plus, it'd be nice not to be the center of attention this chapter.”

Goofy poured a fresh cup of tea out of his hat. “And it's got nothin' to do with how popular his new show is, right?”

“What did we _just say_ about the fourth wall?”

~*~

Donald was finally released with an unceremonious THUD about ten blocks later, landing on his head while still tied up. Minnie jumped off her broom and began to brush Donald down. “There there, we can't have you looking like rubbish for your big date.”

Donald's eyes swam, confused on several levels. “My big what? … Oh, no, if you're in love with _me_ now, I will take out my pen and stick it in my jugular.”

“First, ew. Second, rude. Third, it's not with me, silly!” Minnie adjusted his hat, and then began to untie him. “I'm going to get you a date with that cute girl you were staring at!”

Once Donald was free, he rubbed his raw wrists before actually hearing what had been said. “What? Seriously? … What's the catch?” He pointed at her face, immediately and rightfully suspicious. “Anything involving you never ends well. The last thing I need is a Minnie-sized migraine. If you'll excuse me...” He tugged on his jacket, turning on his heel, ready to go. “I can land dates on my own just fine.”

“Oh, really?” Minnie asked, genuinely sincere. “When was the last time you were on a date?”

Donald froze in place, and the longer he took to answer, the more obvious it became what the answer was. “It... might have been... a while...” he mumbled, each word taking more effort to say than the last. “... Oh, boy, I'm actually going to go along with this, aren't I?”

“It'll be easy, with me at your side!” Minnie skipped to his side, taking him by the arm and dragging him along. “A girl that fashionable is probably going to hit the shoe store next. It probably has a pun about soles and souls.”

“Hang on, hang on!” But no matter how hard Donald tried to use his feet as brakes, Minnie proved that her petite body had way more strength than he could ever account for. “I don't even know her name, or what type of monster she is! She could be a witch, or a mummy, or a werewolf... I need to make sure so I don't offend her!”

“Oh, those things don't matter!” Minnie put a hand above her eyes as if that would somehow help her peering prowess. “Just be yourself! Except more charming, suave, and debonair. And try to speak in a more natural voice. And stop frowning. Basically, just be anyone but yourself.” Donald had no time to be insulted when Minnie suddenly squealed, “There she is!” And then shoved Donald face-first into a patch of thorny bushes. “Here, hide so we can plan!”

“WHY IS EVERY MINUTE WITH YOU SOMEHOW FILLED WITH PAIN?!”

Minnie ducked in next to him, not getting pricked by the bushes because _they knew better_. “See, there she is!” She pointed ahead, and there stood the lady in question, leaving the shoe store with a pair of new purple heels on her feet, trying them out with a little tap-tap-tap on the sidewalk.

Donald managed to rip the thorns out of his face, blinking hard so he could see past the pain. “She is pretty cute... I can't even guess what type of monster she'd be. What makes you think someone that gorgeous would want a regular guy like me?” He waited. Waited. Waited. “...This is the part where you say I'm great.”

“Oh, sorry, I thought that was a rhetorical question.” Minnie shrugged it off, and with a wave of her hands, poofed up a bouquet of red roses. “Anyway, here you go! What girl doesn't love flowers? Aside from the ones who are allergic. But love is a risk worth taking!”

Donald took the flowers, but hesitated. “These... aren't going to explode, or turn carnivorous, or spray laughing gas, or-”

“Less asking me and more asking her out!” Minnie pushed Donald out of the bush, whispering so the other girl hopefully wouldn't hear. “Just walk across the street, and introduce yourself! You can do it!”

Donald glanced back at her, then at the girl who was deciding whether to go next, cupping her chin in adorable thought. He drew a breath – maybe it really could be as simple as all that! He smoothed down his jacket, cleared his throat, and then stepped forward into the street. “Hi-”

We pause this story for a brief safety lesson that is important for all ages. Whether you live in normal society or a world infested with Halloween creatures, you should always look both ways before crossing the street. That way, you will hopefully avoid being hit with an eighteen-wheeler, which Donald did not.

Minnie patiently waited until the last gigantic bone-crushing wheel had ran itself over Donald's mangled body before hopping over and inspecting the damage. “Aw, the flowers got crushed! We better think of something else to win her over.”

“ _I can't feel my legs._ ”

“C'mon, she's on the move!” Minnie grabbed Donald by the wrist, ignoring the sickening sound of his liquefied organs as she tried to find where the young lady had gone off to. “Faint heart never won the fair lady! And fainting doesn't count!”

~*~

Later on, the reluctant duo was in the Spookyville library, having spotted the young lady flipping through some texts in a corner. Minnie and Donald poked their heads around the corner, and then Minnie began to shove book after book into Donald's arms. “Okay, plan B. The Meet Cute!”

“Dare I ask?”

“It's the standard cliche for all romance movies! You create a scenario where the love interests meet, bonding over a shared experience, like dropping your books in front of her! She'll pick them up, glance at the titles, and start a conversation! Hollywood would be bankrupt without that trope!”

Once again, this sounded like a sane idea... in theory. However, Minnie's over-eager excitement decided that Donald needed to have many, many books to make this work. Donald wound up with an armful, a stackful, an eyeful – he could no longer see in front of his face. “Please tell me that me being injured isn't going to be the running gag of this chapter. It's already the running gag of my life.”

“Don't be such a downer, and go be the cutest meet that has ever met!” Minnie lightly pushed his shoulders, forcing Donald to walk forward, the tower of books beginning to wobble. Donald gulped loudly, trying to walk very slowly so he could avoid certain doom. Every so often he tried to glance around his pile to at least make sure he was headed in the right direction, but even this proved to be difficult. Inch by inch, scoot by scoot, he didn't dare go any faster. How was he supposed to drop these books naturally, by the way...?

Minnie was running out of patience. This was taking way too long! By the time he got over there, the young lady would be finished with her book and out the door! Clearly Donald needed her assistance. She slid out her wand from her pointy hat, and flicked it towards the carpet underneath his feet. All it would take is one gentle tug, and he'd have his meet cute, followed by date cute, then wedding cute, then Mayor in handcuffs and chained in Minnie's basement cute!

Donald let out a startled “WAK!” as he felt the carpet underneath his feet move, and it was not one gentle tug at all! It was a hard pull, and he was so surprised that he threw all the books up in shock – he let out a longer “WAAAAAK!” and scrambled to catch each and every single one before they could fall, even if it meant catching by with his feet, beak, tail, hat, etc. By some miracle, he managed to retrieve every single fallen book, and sighed with relief at the avoidance of his usual fate.

This relief lasted for three seconds, as when Minnie had tugged the carpet, it had also wound up tugging under the very large, heavy bookshelves which thudded against one another until they had a domino disaster. As much as Donald would have loved to move out of the way, all of his limbs being preoccupied with books prevented him from moving a single inch. The last thing he saw was the young lady quietly leaving – and then he was smashed flat. Minnie clicked her tongue – that wasn't very cute at all! She flounced over to the pile of crushed bookshelves, knowing no librarian with any will to live would think of shushing her, and managed to find Donald's hand. “Honestly, Donald, being loud in a library isn't going to win anyone over! Let's try something else.”

“ _I think my lung is punctured._ ”

“Don't be such a crybaby.” With both of her hands holding his, she dragged out the nearly-dead Donald from underneath and headed off. Third time was the charm, and tended to be the last time a plan failed before either a serious of hilarious quick-timed montages, or a success!

~*~

Lunch had passed, and it was almost dinner-time for residents of Spookyville, which was probably why Donald's stomach was rumbling. That, or all the blood his wounded organs were spilling was starting to pile up in there. The young lady was now at the florist, thoughtfully rubbing some rose petals between her fingers as the sun was starting to set. She did not see Donald and Minnie hiding in the nearby alleyway. Minnie's latest plan involved a large wooden guitar, which she strapped to Donald's back before sliding it into his arms. “There! Now you can serenade her, and win her heart with a song!”

Donald plucked a few strings with his fingers. “But I don't know any love songs.”

“Just sing from the heart! It'll come through! True love is understood in all languages, even the tone-deaf!”

Donald was understandably reluctant to give it a try, “hmm”ing out loud as he weighed his options. Mostly he was trying to figure out how this plan would wind up with him in need of a full-body cast, and for once he couldn't connect it. This plan, dumb as it was, did seem to be harmless. “Maybe you used up all your crazy for the day. This might actually do the job!”

Minnie clapped her hands before pointing away. “Go get her, future best man at my wedding!”

The secretary took a deep breath before walking out into the dimming sunlight. Looked left – looked right – nothing to run him over, nothing to fall on top of him, and with a glance behind him, Minnie was doing nothing except shaking a pair of suddenly summoned maracas to go with the song. So far, so good! Donald looked towards the young lady, who had moved on to picking up a few daisies, and found inspiration. He lightly began to strum, making the words up as he went along.

“ _Daisy, Daisy, you're the one,  
That gets me captivated..._”

The young lady paused before turning towards the song, eyebrows raised, intrigued by what she was hearing. Donald felt his heart skip a beat, seeing those pretty eyes meet his own, and he faltered before picking up the beat again. Things were going his way! Maybe Minnie wasn't so bad after all! He owed her one!

“ _Every time you look at me,  
I get so addlepated..._”

Except you and I both know the road to a bad place is paved with good intentions, and Minnie had nothing but good intentions on her mind. The song was good – but it could be better! Like if it was louder! Yes, if it could be heard all over the world, the young lady would swoon! Or go deaf and never hear Donald's natural voice, which would also work. With a wave of her wand, the maracas vanished, and she replaced them with six-foot-tall speakers. They just needed to be plugged into the guitar – which Minnie forgot at first was not an electric guitar. Oh well, things would work out.

She clicked the plugs for the speakers together, making sure they weren't just full of electricity, but super, super, SUPER charged with electricity. She skipped over to Donald - 

“ _And when I'm riding along the street,  
Everybody that I meet..._”

“Here you go, Donald!” And jabbed the plugs into his back - 

“ _Says 'there goes that guy,  
that's crazy over Daisy_ MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAE'!”

Which wound up sending hundreds upon thousands of electric volts throughout his body, frying his feathers and turning him into delicious roast duck, then burnt duck, then sizzling, crackling, blackened duck. He landed on his back, mouth open, perhaps far past the point of being able to scream anymore. Minnie leaned over his comatose body, pouting. “Oh, Donald, I don't think she's into heavy metal! Your music taste leaves a lot to be desired.” She tossed the plugs aside, finished with the current scheme. “Oh well. Onto the next idea!”

“NO!” Donald yelled, suddenly able to find the strength to stand up and grab Minnie by the front of her dress. “NO MORE IDEAS! Each one of your stupid ideas gets me closer to death! I just saw a bright light and I'm pretty sure I had Walt waving at me from the other side! NO MORE! I'M OUT! I'M DONE! FINISHED! KAPUT! WHATEVER WILL GET THROUGH THOSE BIG EARS OF YOURS!”

Minnie blinked back at him, his smell reminding her to toss out the old chicken fried rice in her fridge. “But you can't stop now, Donald! Your true love is waiting for you! How will she ever know how you feel if you don't go for it?”

“I CAN'T DATE HER IF I'M DEAD!”

“Now that's just quitter talk. Besides, I know necromancy!”

Donald dropped Minnie like a hot potato, convinced that she took “help him or die trying” quite literally. “Go back to stalking the Mayor! Shoot, I'll gift-wrap him for you if that'll get you to stop helping me! I don't ever want you helping me again! Not now, not ever, now get lost!”

Minnie went quiet, her face seeming to shrink. Her eyes ducked down, almost hidden by her hat, and her hands folded together. She didn't say anything right away, save for a few timid sniffles, before - 

“AND YOU, NARRATOR! QUIT TRYING TO DRUM UP SYMPATHY!”

Donald was so caught up in yelling at everyone in sight, and those beyond, he nearly missed the feeling of someone tapping his shoulder. He would've yelled at them too, if that person didn't happen to be the young lady! “Pardon me,” she asked, “But what in the world is going on here? Is it my imagination, or have you two been following me all day?”

“Yes” said Minnie at the exact time Donald said “no”. Minnie then clamped Donald's beak with her hands, bright and peppy again. “My dear friend here wanted to be your boyfriend, so I've been trying to help him come up with ideas on how to win your heart! Isn't that right, Donald?” She made him nod.

The girl raised an eyebrow, turning her head towards Donald. “If that's the case... why didn't you just ask me on a date?”

Stating the simple solution had never hurt a man's soul more severely than it did for Donald right then and there. He buried his face in his hands, grumbling this and that. Minnie tilted her head back in thought – huh, maybe they could've just done that at the start. But what fun would that have been? The young lady held back a chuckle, and offered her hand to Donald. “My name's Daisy.”

Donald lowered his hands slowly in shock. He glanced at Minnie, who gave two thumbs up, before steadily taking Daisy's hand to shake it. “I'm, um... I'm Donald Duck! It's nice to meet you, Daisy.”

“Looks like my work here is done!” Minnie declared proudly, whistling for her broom.

“You literally did nothing,” Donald said under his breath.

“Invite me to the wedding so I can catch the bouquet!” Minnie cheered as she took a seat and began to ride off. Why, she did such a nice thing today! It made her feel good. She deserved a reward for all her hard work – a hot bath, a few chocolates, and then watching the Mayor through the hidden security cameras she placed all over his house.

Relieved to be rid of the nuisance at last, Donald adjusted his hat and linked arms with Daisy, happy to be with a sane woman for the first time all day. “Hey, the day's still young! Why don't we grab a bite to eat?” Maybe he could ask her what type of monster she was, after he told her he was a warlock.

“I had the exact same idea,” Daisy said with a girly giggle, but instead of sharing Donald's embrace, she calmly lifted his arm and rolled up his sleeve. “Bon appetite!” And then sunk her vampire fangs right into his flesh.

As it turned out, Donald did still have enough nerve cells alive that could allow him to scream his lungs out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mayor Mickey tries to enjoy his day off, and winds up befriending a cute pink bat. You'll be able to guess the plot twist in a handful of seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, big thanks to my amazing editors, Drucilla and BlueShifted!
> 
> This was a huge 'make stuff up as I go along' chapter, as I had ideas for chapters 1-3 and 5, but not 4. As a result, this probably isn't as funny as the last chapter... but what can I say, Donald's such an easy punching bag. One more chapter and we're done!

For this next tale of happy haunts and horrors, we skip the schools and office-work to find Mayor Mickey just getting out of bed. He was rather sluggish this morning, not exactly looking forward to this day – for it was his day off! As much as he whined about paperwork, he did love his job and was always eager to make Spookyville a better place. But even he knew that too much work would wear him out – his cheerful stalker not exactly helping that pace – and so he was forced to take a day off at least once a week.

How he loathed these days! They were so boring! Granted, he knew at some point Minnie would come and harass him, but even she ran out of spells eventually. What was he supposed to do for the rest of the day? He wanted to be in his office! He wanted to eat Goofy's pumpkin cookies! He wanted to follow Donald's schedule! He wanted to cut a big ribbon in front of a new building – he had a whole closet full of gigantic scissors for such occasions. With a sigh and shuffle, he slipped into his clothes, adjusted his hat, and mournfully ate his breakfast – pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin waffles, and for a change of pace, pumpkin eggs. (Don't ask how, it's a horrifying process.) What to do, what to do?

Maybe he could go for a walk. But if he did that, he'd be so distracted by everyone around him and feel an urge to help them as the Mayor! Maybe he could go fishing. But if he did that, he'd be constantly thinking about water pollution and drafting ideas to clean the lakes! Maybe he could just nap all day. But if he did that, he'd have nightmares about a big-eared witch trying to tie his tail to a giant mouse-trap! It took him a moment to realize that wouldn't have been a nightmare but a recollection, as that did happen last Tuesday.

He mulled and mulled over his options until he heard a very loud THUD at his window. Mickey blinked, wiping off his mouth with his sleeve before rushing to the door to find the problem. There on his flowerbed laid a dizzy pink bat with a growing bump on its forehead. “Aw, poor little miss!” It was a fair guess, given the bat's color scheme. “Hope you didn't hurt yourself too badly. Lemme take a look at'cha.”

Mickey scooped the bat into his hands, holding her up to see her better. The bat sniffled, sitting up in his palms, large ears twitching back and forth. “Least you hit your noggin instead of your wing! I'm sure you'll feel better in a minute or two.” The bat squeaked, perhaps grateful for the reassurance, and Mickey found himself charmed. She was a cute little thing, and didn't seem spooked by him at all. Perhaps this was a domesticated batty, one who was used to human touch. In that case, it was only right to search for the owner. Plus, if she had rabies, surely she would've shown some sign by now.

“How's about we get some breakfast in you, and look for wherever you came from?” Mickey offered, already heading back into his house. “I always make too much for myself anyway. It'd be nice to have some company for once!”

As everyone begins to massively roll their eyes at the really obvious irony and guess the major plot twist already, it should be said that writing anything original these days is hard. C'mon, you have to admit you're kind of curious how this is going to play out.

The bat offered no objection to being in Mickey's house, and was more than happy to chomp away at the remains of his breakfast, even as she got a syrupy mess around her mouth. Mickey wound up laughing, picking up a napkin to dab at her mouth. “I guess you were mighty hungry! Now you've got enough energy to help me look for your owner. Until then, I guess I should call you something...” He tapped his cheek, trying to come up with a proper name. “StellaLuna?”

The bat made an X signal with her wings, as trying to make a trademark signal would have been much harder.

“Foxglove?”

A louder slapping of her wings for this X.

“I'm going to save us some time and say Bartok is no good either. That pretty much uses all the famous bat names.” A small shrug before he finally settled. “Why don't we keep it settle and go with Miss Pink?” The bat gave this some thought before agreeing, before flapping her wings and flying to sit on Mickey's shoulder. He chuckled, affectionately petting the top of her head with a finger. “All right, Miss Pink it is! Don't you worry, we'll find your home in no time at all! Oh boy, I finally have something to do on my day off!”

With a whistle and a skip to his step, Mickey readjusted his hat and walked outside. It was a perfectly sunny day, with the citizens enjoying the good weather and good company, waving to one another and glancing around for any signs of a certain witch. Mickey headed for the marketplace, since he figured this would have the greatest number of people, and thus, plenty of people who might know about a bat. Spookyville's market mostly consisted of cheerful farmers selling their pumpkins and pumpkin-related goods, and Minnie-related insurance.

“Good morning, Miss Clarabelle!” Mickey waved to the cowhand cow, the resident town gossip.

“Goooood morning, Mister Mayor!” Clarabelle waved right back, though she had to watch how hard she moved any part of her body lest it fall off – she was a zombie, and reattaching fallen limbs was always a pain. “What can I do you for? We're offering a special discount on our pumpkins today – 20% off if you find a worm! 30% if you can find my husband's eye, he lost it last night. Again.”

“Actually, I was hoping you could help me with something else.” Mickey gestured to the guest on his shoulder. “I think my friend here belongs to someone, so I was wondering if you've seen her around before.”

Clarabelle thought about popping her eye out to get a closer look, before remembering that the average fanfiction reader does not appreciate emptying their stomach contents while reading. So she settled for simply leaning in. “Hmmm... sorry, Mayor, but she's not a familiar face! I can ask around, but I'm pretty sure this is a new one! A pink bat is really rare!”

Mickey raised his eyebrows, intrigued by this news. “It is? You've never seen one before?”

“I seen a peanut stand, heard a rubber band, I seen a needle that winked its eye, but I be done seen 'bout ev'rything, when I see a-”

“Okay you need to stop, we're not sure if that reference is offensive or not anymore.” 

Clarabelle agreed to play it safe and moved on. “She's a real beauty though! I do hope you can find her home soon enough. But speaking of beauties!” She giggled, rubbing her hands together eagerly while hoping one wouldn't fall off. “Long as a certain missy isn't around... I've got an adorable niece who would just die to get her hands on you! I think you two would hit it off perfectly! Why don't you pick her up around eight?”

Mickey would have politely declined the invitation, but Miss Pink decided to do it for him – minus the polite part, and if “decline” meant “launching themselves at Clarabelle's face and trying to claw her to death.” - which would have been impressive, given that the woman was already dead to begin with. “AAAAAH! MY FACE! IT TOOK AGES TO STITCH IT BACK TOGETHER! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I COULD FEEL PAIN THERE ANYMORE!”

Mickey blinked stupidly, wondering what had brought that about, and after a few seconds Miss Pink calmly returned to his shoulder as if nothing had happened at all. Clarabelle laid on the ground, trying to reattach everything, which we will not describe here because the narrator is too lazy to raise the rating on this story. Mickey quietly pulled out a few bucks from his wallet and slid it on the harvest table before inching away, mumbling an apology.

Once they were far enough away, Mickey picked up Miss Pink to wag his finger at her. “That was really rude of you, you know! No more attacking people! What set you off, anyway?” In a way, it was familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Sadly, no matter how hard the reader screamed at him, he couldn't hear it. (Only the narrator has that kind of power and she's having too much fun right now!) The bat merely shrugged, and sat herself on his shoulder again. “Hm... maybe you're just allergic to formaldehyde and it set something off.” It wasn't the most unreasonable connection – but it was second to most unreasonable. “We'll try a different place and see if anyone else recognizes you.”

It was a comfortable day at the park, with children playing, dogs being walked, and several bomb shelters being opened in case a familiar witch made an appearance. Mickey tucked his hands in his pockets, happy to see so many people enjoying their best life. “See, this is what I love about Spookyville!” he announced, hands on his hips, taking in the fresh air and joyful laughter. “Everyone getting along and simply being themselves! I'm so proud to be the Mayor of this great town! I love everything about this place! I love the pumpkin patches, I love the sounds of people walking on crunchy leaves, I love children's balls about to smack me on the-”

BONK!

Mickey didn't know why people called pain “feeling smart”, because being smacked in the face with a large red ball made him feel pretty dumb. Miss Pink held onto his shoulder, squeaking worriedly, as Mickey sat up and rubbed his sore snout. “I don't think I'll be able to smell for a while...”

“Aw, gee, mister!” Two small mummy children scrambled over, the brother picking up the ball while the sister looked near tears. “We're real sorry! We didn't see you there!”

“That's okay!” Mickey said pleasantly, popping his hat back on his head. “No harm, no foul! I was kind of getting sick of smelling pumpkin anyway.” After making sure his nose was back in place, he stood up, brushed himself off, and then patted both of the kids on the head. “You two just be careful out there, all right? Let me be the only accident of the day!”

“Okey-dokey, mister!” the children said together, which was cute in a children's cartoon and would've been creepy in an adult horror movie. With their ball back, they frolicked back to their play area.

“What a cute bunch of kids,” Mickey mused out loud, not seeing the large shadow that began to drape over him. “Kind of makes me wish I had kids off my own... or a pair of twin nephews, which is apparently the same thing as having kids.” He then paused, noting a peculiarity. “I thought we weren't supposed to have clouds today.” So what was blocking the sun? He tilted his head up.

There stood the father of the little mummies, huge, hulking, and unpleasant. “Were you just trying to tell my kids what to do?” he snarled, drool dribbling from his jaw.

“Uh.” Mickey faltered, amazed at how he could get in trouble without Minnie's help. “I mean. Technically?” He reached for his cape, ready to use his magic if need be.

“NOBODY TELLS MY KIDS WHAT TO DO EXCEPT ME!” The mummy-daddy roared, grabbing Mickey by his cape and holding him up in the air. “YOU'RE GUNNA PAY FOR THAT!”

Mickey would have tried to gently rebuff that he sincerely meant no harm and that hands-on parenting could be a wonderful thing, except the cape was snugly tied around his neck, and thus the daddy-mummy had him in a chokehold. As such, his reply was, “MUUUGHFBLLBUFF.”

“WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!” The mummy-daddy oh-we-did-that-already-sorry swung his fist back, ready to wreck the wimp, when Miss Pink flew into action, finding a loose strip of wrapping and tugging at it with her teeth. One, two, three tugs – and the entire binding began to unbind. Remember, boys and ghouls, always make sure your wrappings are snug and firm before you head out! Or else you might wind up losing everything and then turning into dust in the middle of the park.

Mickey landed on the grass, caught his hat, and tried not to sneeze from the dead man's powder. He raised an eyebrow at the mess, unsure if this counted as murder or not. He put a hand to his ear, heard aggravated grumbling from beneath the gigantic dust pile, and sighed with relief. “That was a close one. This story has shaky morals already.” Miss Pink returned to his shoulder, and Mickey smiled at her. “You saved my hide back there! Looks like I owe you one. Whoever your owner is, they're one lucky person!”

Miss Pink nuzzled up to Mickey's cheek, and as he walked on, lightly petting her, he began to consider the idea that maybe she didn't have an owner, or at least they wouldn't find them today. If so – well then, Mickey would just have to bear this responsibility and care for her himself! A pet would be nice! It'd give him plenty to do on future days off! He could walk her and teach her tricks and use her as a bodyguard! As much as the thought pleased him, he could only stop searching once he exhausted every avenue, and there was one place he had yet to try.

~*~

“Oooh, look at me, I'm the Mayor!” Donald mocked while swiveling around in Mickey's chair. “I'm the most perfect guy in the whole wide world! I'll let you walk all over me, who wants to use my face as a doormat!”

Goofy poured a fresh batch of tea. “Not still bitter about the last chapter, are you?”

“I'll stop being bitter when I recover from anemia.” Donald stopping spinning around, lazily leaning on the Mayor's work desk. “Besides, it's his day off! He's got no reason to come in today. I allowed myself five minutes on my schedule for goofing off. No offense.”

“None taken.” Goofy began to add sugar, cream, milk, and anything else he could pull from his hat. “But we should still work our hardest, even when he's not here! That way, when Minnie ruins our day, we can at least say we tried our best. Then we can spend the rest of the day putting out the fires she set.”

“She's probably hounding him down right now.” Donald chuckled at the mental imagery – knowing Minnie, she could have made that literal with a giant magical doberman. “And the Mayor's running for his life, tail between his legs, screaming like a little girl, and exactly how long as he been standing behind me?”

“Long enough to dock next week's pay,” Mickey dryly replied, watching Donald slowly slide out of his chair.

“What're you doin' here anyhow, Mickey?” Goofy asked, eyes quickly flying over to the odd looking animal on Mickey's shoulder. “Did you get yourself a new pet?”

“Yes and no.” Mickey held out his hand, and Miss Pink hopped into his palm, happy to be shown off. “I found her this morning and I've been trying to find out if she's got an owner... but if she doesn't, I might just keep her myself! She's pretty cute, ain't she?”

“I'd be very careful about that, if I were you,” Donald warned, eyeing the vermin suspiciously. “If Minnie finds out you like it more than you like her, she might wind up as bat flambé . Which is tasty but also disgusting.”

Mickey knew this was a rational, albeit disturbing, train of thought, but it brought him to another realization. “The funny thing is, I haven't seen Minnie all day! By this time, she normally would be rifling through my underwear drawers, stalking me through the streets, and have launched a love-potion missile down my throat. And that's just if she's not feeling inventive.” Why hadn't Minnie shown her face at all today? Did she, too, get off days from her “work”? Maybe crazy needed breaks too. 

“Maybe your little friend is a good-luck charm!” Goofy chirped, always trying to see the positive side of things, despite their most obvious conclusions. “Keep her around and maybe Minnie won't come near! 'Course, we'd lose a whole lot of readers for that, but they're probably just scrolling down to the big punch-line at the end anyway.”

“I'm not making any big decisions until I know for sure she doesn't belong to anyone,” Mickey decided, wagging a finger, which Miss Pink imitated. “That's why I came here! I want to look at all the pet licensees in the town, and see if any pink bats come up! I figured it shouldn't take long. How big's the file anyway?”

Donald flipped through his notebook to find the correct data. “It contains... six-hundred and forty-two licensees.”

Mickey's confidence and finger faltered. “You're kidding.”

“Hmmm... ah, yes, you're right, I was wrong.”

“Oh thank-”

“Six-hundred and forty-three.”

Mickey glanced at Donald's notebook, and then off to the distance. “This... might take a while. Why don't we do one of those fancy line-breaks and check on another character? Go with a 'Meanwhile' and we'll catch up later.”

~*~

Meanwhile, Daisy was... taking a nap in her coffin. Hm. Let's try that again.

~*~

Meanwhile, Mortimer was picking his nose - okay let's go once more.

~*~

Meanwhile, Chip and Dale were by themselves in the busy streets of Spookyville, gratefully not doing anything boring or gross. They had woken up early that morning to help set things up for their mistress, as many witch familiars tend to do. This included laying out her clothes, cleaning up the house, and adding more deranged magazine clippings to the Mayor Mickey shrine in her bedroom. However, when it came time to wake Minnie up, she was nowhere to be found! Unlike the Mayor, witch familiars can't take a day off because they never unionized, so they set out to find her.

Naturally, they headed for the Mayor's house first, but didn't find a sign of her, although they did snatch some flowers from his flowerbed, knowing she'd appreciate the terrible gesture. Next up was Magica's school, but there was still no trace of her in the hallways, in the classrooms, or in the principal's office, where they went unnoticed by the drunken headmaster who was wailing that “HE'S WITH THAT GOLDEN-HAIRED BINT, ISN'T HE?!”

Their last option was the Mayor's office, but since it was still in one piece and they couldn't hear anyone screaming from inside, they decided she couldn't be there either. What to do? They sat on the doorstep, puzzled.

“What could we have missed?” Chip asked, cupping his thin in thought. “Mistress always goes after the mayor, and always leaves a trail of chaos in her wake. What changed?”

“Last night, she did say she was working on a new spell.” Dale replied, copying the gesture. “But I don't remember what it was! Usually when she goes into one of her Mayor-related ramblings I kind of tune out for a while.”

“Do you think it was an invisibility spell?” Chip pondered, trying to imagine it. “Hmmm... No, she definitely would have already tried to wait in his shower, and we would have heard that screeching no matter where we were.”

“Maybe it was a teleportation spell gone wrong?” Dale kept it up, knowing that Minnie's weird powers at times appeared limitless. “Maybe she's landed in some weird world that doesn't celebrate Halloween 24/7. She could be in a world that celebrates Thanksgiving 24/7!”

“Or worse...” Chip paled, the awful possibilities beginning to pile up. “... 24/7 Arbor Day! Dale, we've got to find that spell and get her home! She'll be bored to death!” The chipmunks jumped off the doorstep and headed back home as fast as their little feet could take them, hoping to save Minnie from the horrors of a 24/7 President's Day.

~*~

Well, that's enough of that. Back to what you came to see – bureaucratic paperwork!

“License for a ten-foot-long python named Tickles...” Mickey read aloud, as his companions were doing, the trio huddled around a stack of papers to try and find any trace of Miss Pink's owner if she had one. Miss Pink, for her part, was content to nestle herself on Mickey's head, her face sticking out from underneath his hat. “License for a Capuchin monkey named Cappuccino... I had no idea we had so many people with so many exotic pets, and with such terrible names too!”

“And I ain't seen a sign pink bat in any of these.” Goofy concluded, although his share of the papers were now folded into origami shapes. “I think you might be in the clear, Mickey!”

“This is the last one,” Donald announced, holding his paper high in the air before reading it. “License for a warlock named Donald.” He paused, and then crumbled it up. “All right, I need to have a word with Daisy later...”

“Then she's all mine!” Mickey said cheerfully, popping to his feet. “Oh boy, my first pet! This is going to be really exciting! I'll build her a nice bat-house, with all the trimmings! I'll walk her every day! And I'll get tested for rabies!”

Donald flipped through his notebook, jotting something down and using his magic to bring it to life. “Hang on, Mayor. If you're going to be a responsible pet owner, you need to keep an eye on her! So, here you go, one leash at the ready.” As stated, once he wrote it down, it poofed into existence – extra pink and glittery for all to see.

“Perfect!” Mickey gently picked up Miss Pink from his heat and helped fit the collar snugly on. “There you go, how does that feel?” Miss Pink blinked at the collar and leash, then glanced at Mickey with a strange, eyebrow-wiggling look. “See, she likes it! I'm going to take her home and show her around! Boy oh boy, what a great day!” He headed for the door, waving to his pals, Miss Pink fluttering behind him. “Thanks for all your help, guys! I'll make sure to remember this when it comes time for your bonuses!”

Goofy and Donald joyfully waved back until the door was closed, before their faces fell. Donald cleared his throat. “So... you realize that's Minnie, right?”

“Figured it out forty-five minutes ago when she kept licking his cheek.” A click of his tongue. “Us not telling him is gunna affect those bonuses, ain't it?”

“Probably. But the mental trauma might keep him from remembering for a few days. Maybe we should call the Spookyville Asylum and see if they have an opening? When is that spell going to wear off?”

“When it's funniest, I'd reckon. Which might be...” Goofy took a quick glance at the watch on his wrist. “...In a few minutes. Line break, please!”

~*~

“Dum de dum de dum...” Mickey made up his own ditty as he strolled down the street, fingers entwined in the leash and not a care in the world. A nice pet to love and take care of and keep him company – life was grand! Sure, the leash suddenly felt heavier, and people were staring at him with stunned expressions – one mother even slapping her hand over her child's eyes – but what did those things matter? He and Miss Pink were now BFFs! “Aw, you're gunna love livin' at my place! And I'll even get-cha a dozen leashes, see which you like best!”

“My word!” a scandalized skeleton cried out.

Huh, that was weird. Anyway, he went on, “And if you're on your best behavior, you can sleep in my bed!”

“There are children here!” an alarmed arachnid shouted.

What did that have to do with anything? “But first things first... we've had a pretty long day. I think what you need is a bath! Shoot, we both do, why don't we just save time and take it together?”

What followed was nearly a choir of aghast gasps, lots of incredulous pointing, and several ghouls declaring they'd switch candidates for next year. Mickey was a happy-go-lucky fellow, but even he had buttons that could be pressed, and he stopped walking to put his hands on his hips and glare at the various passerby. “What's got everyone's sheets in a twist? Can't a fellow walk his pet anymore? I tell you, this isn't like my Spookyville anymore! Don't you think, Miss Pink?” He turned his head.

And, to the surprise of nobody who has two brain cells working, there stood Minnie, the collar having magically grown with her to continue fitting comfortably. She grinned, not making any effort to take it off. “Um... squeak?”

Mickey looked at her, looked at the lash in his hands, back and forth, the last sense of trust he had in this waking world dissolving into ash. Now knowing Minnie had, apparently, the ability to transform, he could no rely on anyone or anything being its true self. He would never be bored on a day off again.

If there is a moral to be found in this chapter, it's to be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it. Also, if you faint, don't do it on a stone pavement, because you will wind up with a cracked skull, and need to spend several weeks in the hospital, if the crazy witch stalker doesn't insist on healing you herself personally.

Okay, that last one doesn't entirely apply, but you get the idea.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the final tale of Spookyville, a villain returns with a nefarious scheme... by using another villain! Are they getting as lazy as the author?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, big thanks to my amazing editors, Drucilla and BlueShifted! In addition to all the commas, grammar and other mistakes I tend to make, they also added in plenty of their own jokes to make this nonsensical time extra hilarious.
> 
> Well, it's the final chapter, I hope you all enjoyed this odd ride. As experiments go, I think this was an interesting one, but not one I'll revisit anytime soon. As much as I enjoy making people laugh, I do miss writing drama and true love.
> 
> Big thanks to my pals Chllstarr, Denise, and Cici, and wayyy too many of you nutty folks who, for years, demanded I wrote more of Witch Minnie and poor Mayor Mickey. I hope this satisfied your craving, you lovable weirdos. Naturally, I also thank all my fans who left comments, reblogged, and so forth - each one means the world to me and keeps me going.
> 
> Happy Halloween, again, and may your days be less spooky than Mickey's!

For the final tale in Spookyville, we return once more to the pumpkin-filled park, where our heroes – protagonists? – maybe “main victims” is the best term – were quietly passing the time, waiting patiently for another man's arrival. Goofy had set up a lovely picnic, and Donald and Mickey were eating away, their manners impeccable and their taste buds questionable. As they waited, they discussed the topic of the day – the word “normal”.

Normal is relative in Spookyville. If something happens to you enough times, you might consider it normal for your day to day life. Today, for example, Mayor Mickey found it normal to have received a letter from warlock Mortimer to meet him in the town square for another magic duel. Ever since Mortimer lost Minnie's affections to the Mayor (not that he ever had them [in any universe]), he had tried to take Spookyville over in retribution by challenging Mickey to these ridiculous battles, and had lost in utter humiliation each and every time. Since Mickey's magic was much stronger, and Mortimer's mind was much weaker, these became more like chores than epic duels to the death. 

“For a guy who claims to be the best student at his school,” Donald said in-between cookie bites, “he sure doesn't learn his lesson.”

“Maybe we should write Headmaster Scrooge about this.” Mickey picked up a cup of pumpkin spice tea. “I don't want to get Mortimer in more trouble than he's already been in, but if a person doesn't learn from their mistakes, they're doomed to repeat them.” He was about to take a sip when his nose picked up on the fact that this didn't smell like pumpkin at all. He glanced downward, and instead of an orange color in his cup, it was pink, the steam looking like a mixture of a heart and a skull with crossbones. “Speaking of doom that repeats for eternity...”

“Hey guys! What’re you doing here?” Minnie chirped happily, right next to Mickey, holding up a gigantic kettle of love-potion tea, if it could be called that. By this point, the three men were no longer shocked she could sneak up on them with more stealth than your average anime ninja.

Donald held up a small envelope between his fingers. “Same reason as you, I bet.” Mickey silently dumped his tea onto the grass, pretending he didn't see it wither and die.

“AND NOW, THE HOUR OF HIS DEFEAT IS NIGH!” In a puff of hazardous blue smoke, Mortimer appeared before our heroes, flaunting his expensive robes and holding up a brand new spell book. “I wanted the people closest to the mayor to see his ultimate downfall! For this is the day I triumph over him once and for all! He will rue the day he didn’t hand over the town to me peacefully when we first met! Now he will know the true wrath of Warlock Mortimer, the most powerful… are any of you listening to me?!”

Another normality of Spookyville was Mortimer’s dull bragging monologues, so when the blue smoke appeared, the small group did their usual business – Goofy poofing up a brand new pot of tea to pour for the mayor, Donald informing Mickey about the day’s schedule while Mickey tried to arrange the best times, and Minnie clinging to his arm and trying to earn a kiss out of him. Mickey was the first to notice Mortimer had stopped talking. “Oh, uh, sorry. Go on.”

“I challenge you, mayor!” Mortimer pointed a demanding finger towards Mickey, while the mayor calmly tried to push Minnie's face away from his own. “To a magic duel! And the winner becomes Mayor of Spookyville! Do you accept?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know the drill.” Mickey waved off his group, and they gave him enough space for him to start doing his stretch exercises. “Can we wrap this up a little quicker today? I’m supposed to give a speech at noon for the Ghoul Scouts. They have a new badge for 'Warning Citizens About Minnie'.”

“It's so adorable!” Minnie added, having poofed up a pair of pompoms to cheer for her beloved. “It almost makes me sorry for trying to use their cookies in last weeks plan! At least only fifteen people got sick this time.”

“Your arrogance will be your downfall today!” Mortimer flipped open his book, and pressed his thumb down on the chosen page. “I only need one spell to take care of you!” The page began to glow black with red letters, giving off a dangerous air. “This is the ultimate Summoning Magic! Long has it been forbidden, but I am the one who can tame its invincible power! Take this, former mayor of Spookyville!” The glow of morbid colors swirled together, and then shot out of the book, blasting towards Mickey. The mayor braced himself, crossing his arms in front of him. The blast hit him – 

And went right through him. Mickey blinked, not feeling a twinge of pain anywhere. Not even his clothes registered a tear or a fold. The blast was already gone, and for everyone who was looking at this battle, it was as if nothing had happened. Mickey waited a moment, and then clicked his tongue. “… So, uh, are we done here? Like I said, I got a speech to do, and those girls get ornery if I'm late…”

“I HAVE ALREADY TRIUMPHED!” Mortimer declared way too loudly, doing his trademark obnoxious laugh. “Maybe I can never defeat you, but I know who can! You will defeat you!”

“… I wanna say that’s the dumbest thing I ever heard you say, but I’m gunna guess you still got plenty to say.” He rolled his eyes at his opponent’s gloating, but in doing so, now noticed a red swirl floating just about his head. The red swirl turned and turned over and over until it became rectangular, and then it solidified, turning into a red door. The door then swung open, and someone hopped onto the ground.

It was another Mickey – and yet so not Mickey! Unlike the mayor, this Mickey’s outfit was composed of blood rich reds, from his top hat, to his flowing overcoat, and whatever wasn’t red was nightly black and decorated in yellow spider-webs. His hat boasted a proud yellow bat insignia, his spider-web collar popped out around his neck, and even his eyes were red as the fires of hell. He smirked wickedly at those who had gone silent due to being stunned – except Minnie, who had started cheering “Whoo-hoo, two mayors!” after she pinched herself to make sure she wasn’t having that dream she typically had on Tuesday nights.

“Behold, former Mayor!” Mortimer slammed his book shut, now that he was certain in his victory. “I have come across a spell that takes all your worst traits, and creates a second you! All of your sins, all of your hidden evil thoughts, all that you try to hide… that will be your undoing! I deem him… Malice Mickey! Now, Malice Mickey! Destroy my enemy, and make me the new mayor!”

Malice Mickey glanced over at Mortimer, and then stuck his hands in his pants pockets. “Nah.”

“… N-Nah?!” Mortimer dropped his book, unable to believe what he had just heard. “Hey, I just brought you into life! Now go and get me the title of Mayor!”

“Why should I?” Malice Mickey shrugged, and began to take a good look at his surroundings, as the stupefied others stared back and forth at the two bickering. “You said it yourself… you can’t beat me. So _I’m_ gunna take over Spookyville!” He grinned, exposing sharp fangs as devious plans began to grow in his twisted mind. “I’ll flip over all the rules, and make it into my perfect home! No more mister nice guy… this place is all mine now!”

“You ungrateful brat!” Mortimer hissed, trying to pick up his fallen book. “I made you, I can unmake you! All I need to do is go back to that page and-”

Malice Mickey snapped his fingers, and the shadow behind him suddenly rolled around, turning into a horrid beam of pure darkness, blasting right at Mortimer. Unlike Mortimer’s attack, which hadn’t even caused Mickey to flinch, this blast actually did some blasting – Mortimer was now a flat pancake in the walls of the nearby coffee shop. Malice Mickey dusted himself off, enjoying the startled audience. “My powers are of darkness and shadows. I guess you could call it... Malice Magic!” He was evil, not creative. “I can use anything with a shadow as a weapon. So, who’s next?”

“Leave this menace up to us, Mister Mayor!” Donald and Goofy took fighting stances as they stood in front of their mayor, willing to end the problem right there. “It’s still you, deep down! And he has our memories, our loves together, our bonds in his heart! He’ll definitely be reluctant in attacking us! We’ll use our friendship to our advantage! He won’t be able to touch us!”

Six seconds later, Goofy and Donald joined Mortimer as they were embedded into the thick coffee shop walls. “Sorry about that, fellas!” Mayor Mickey called out when the debris had stopped falling. “I promise to give you more vacation days to make up for it!” He ignored the fact that Donald was probably giving him a different finger than a thumbs-up, and faced his opponent. “I ain’t givin’ up my title to someone who’s just gunna cause trouble! You better go back where you came from!”

“Am I supposed to be scared of a goody-two-shoes?” Malice Mickey laughed, and clenched his fists as he prepared for another spell. “You always hold back your real power because you want to protect your precious home… but I’ve got no conscience, no guilt, no shame! This town is mine, right after I get rid of you!” His shadow began to move again, and another attack of sheer darkness was launched at the mayor before he had time to react.

But this attack would not land, as two thin, red magical shields were held up just in time to deflect it. When the pom-pom shields came down, witch Minnie proud stood in front of the mayor, actually capable of protecting him, when she wasn't the one after him. “No one’s getting rid of my Mayor!” she announced with her hands on her hips, and for once in his life, the mayor was glad to be the object of her obsession. “He’s the best mayor Spookyville has ever had, and no handsome madman in good pants is going to change that!”

Malice Mickey carefully studied his opponent, allowing his shadow to return to its normal shape. His red eyes went over her in detail, and then he casually strode up to her, licking his lips. “Mmm… speakin’ of no shame…” He came right up to her, cupping her chin in his gloved fingers. “How’s about when I become Mayor, I make you my secretary? I promise I’m real good at _dictation_.”

“H-HEY!” Mayor Mickey yanked Minnie back by her shoulders, flustered by a man wearing his face making such lewd insinuations. “This is a Disney Story! You almost made us change the Rating! Where do you get off sayin’ that?! … On second thought, don't answer that.” Minnie, meanwhile, was having a mental meltdown, unable to believe what she had just experienced but very eager to experience it again.

“If you're not gunna use her, why can’t I?” Malice Mickey yanked her forwards, giving her a swift pat on the tail. “And I can think of a lotta uses for her.”

“Get your hands off of her!” Mickey grabbed a hold of Minnie’s hand, trying to get her back. 

Malice Mickey grabbed her other hand, and the tug of war began. “Last time I checked, you wanted to get rid of yer stalker. You don’t want her, so I’m takin’ her.”

“J-Just because I don’t want her doesn’t mean you can have her!”

“C’mon, Mins, let’s ditch this loser and have some fun on the dark side.”

“Don’tcha listen to him, Minnie! He’s nothin’ but trouble!”

Back at the marginally destroyed coffee shop, the three victims had managed to peel themselves off the wall and began painfully crawling back to Mortimer’s dropped spell book. “If I can just get back to that page,” Mortimer groaned while on his hands and knees, yet also holding a fresh cup of java. “I can use a counteractive spell and get rid of him.”

“We gotta do it quick,” Goofy whispered so the trio wouldn’t be caught. “Or else Malice Mickey will take over all of Spookyville, and we’re all doomed!”

“Actually,” Donald pointed to the small group of mice. “I think we’ve got plenty of time.” The three of them paused to watch the oddly hilarious tug and pull go on, and judging by Minnie’s deliriously happy expression, she was the one winning the game.

“… So if Malice Mickey is made up of all of the Mayor’s hidden bad traits…” Goofy said slowly as he tried to explain his question. “… Does that mean he actually likes Min-”

“I don’t think the Mayor’s mental state is ready to deal with those kinds of ramifications,” Donald answered rapidly, hoping enough big words would stall Goofy’s intelligence from coming up with any more dangerously accurate lines of reasoning.

As for the game of mice, Malice Mickey swept up a victory by flipping Minnie over his shoulders and beginning to run away with her, manically cackling all the while as Minnie kicked her heels back and forth in confused glee. Mayor Mickey pushed his hat forward, beginning to snarl as he took chase. “After him, men! He’s gunna take Minnie out on a date!”

“And take over Spookyville,” Goofy reminded him.

“That too!”

~*~

Little known fact about vampires – their favorite color is blood red. As a result, they enjoy filling their homes with red things, such as red roses. Daisy Duck was at the flower boutique, hoping to buy a fresh bouquet for her coffin, genuinely surprised she was in another chapter as she had assumed she was a one-chapter joke. This was only slightly less surprising than the roof being ripped off by a gigantic shadow, and a copy of the Mayor hopping down to the floor with the infamous witch in his arms. But only slightly.

“A perfect location for the start of our date!” Malice Mickey decided, as the customers and employees all also decided that whatever was happening, they didn't want any part of it, and promptly left like a stampede of lion-killing wildebeests. “What better way to kick things off than with a boy giving his best girl fresh flowers?” He plucked off a forget-me-now from the shelf, having forgotten-now this wasn't Minnie's favorite. “Can't get anymore romantic than that!”

Minnie cupped her chin in thought as she took the flower. This was a conundrum! “On the one hand, you are the Mayor, sort of,” she explained out loud, plucking a petal off. “On the other hand, I fell in love with the Mayor for his positive traits.” Pluck. “But you're willing to actually hold me and date me and ignore the massive property damage I cause.” Pluck. “But the way Mickey sobs into his pillow at night over the way I dent the city's budget is so adorable...” Pluck.

The door to the shop opened so hard that the cute bell atop went flying, smacking Malice Mickey's hat off. Mayor Mickey and his cronies stood in the doorway, panting hard, having sprinted all the way there. They spotted Daisy first. “Miss! Have you seen my evil clone and my obsessive fangirl?”

“It's a sad state of affairs that there's not a single weird thing in your sentences anymore,” Daisy said as she pointed them in the right direction, before waving to Donald. “Hi babe. Dinner at eight?”

“This time, can I please not be the dinner?”

Malice Mickey growled, putting his hat back on. If he was going to murder someone, he was going to do it with style. “Get lost, dweebs! I'm not letting you ruin my date!”

“And I'm not letting you date Minnie!” Mickey countered.

“And take over Spookyville,” Goofy reminded him again.

“And that too!”

“Then I'll just have to get rid of you the hard way!” Malice Mickey warned, as Minnie had now stripped at least seven flowers of their petals as she continued to debate her boyfriend options. He raised a hand, and began to fire off more blasts from his infernal shadow powers, which were thankfully so vague the author didn't have to think too hard about it.

The trio ducked under a heavy shade of nightshade, trying to go through their options, while Daisy plucked a straw from her purse – if this was going to be a bloodbath, might as well get a free meal out of it. “We're in trouble, Mayor!” Donald stated the obvious. “It's the last chapter, so the writer is going to be extra lazy in an effort to get this thing done and over with! There could be all kinds of badly written plot twists and deus ex machinas!”

“Or a deus ex mouse-ina., Goofy couldn't help himself, and thus felt he had earned it when Donald kicked him into the line of fire. 

“We'll just have to make due!” Mickey opened his cape, summoning one of his many doors. “Concentrate on finding that spell! I'll distract him! Open Sesame!” It was a flower shop, so it made sense to magically command a door full of bees! They swarmed Malice Mickey, but not Minnie, because animals have a natural sense not to attack things they know will destroy them in the blink of an eye.

While Malice Mickey yelped and tried to dodge the stream of stings, Minnie sighed, running out of flowers to ruin. “This is really hard! Maybe I should just flip a coin.”

“Great idea, babe!” Malice Mickey grabbed her wrist, pointing down to his shadow. “As the new Mayor, the city's money is my money too! Let's go shopping!” With that, he hopped into his shadow, vanishing along with his stolen bride.

“Oh, come on, that's taking lazy writing to the max!” Mayor Mickey moaned, slapping a hand to his forehead. “If he keeps getting new abilities whenever he feels like it, we'll never be able to stop them!”

“But this book is huge!” Donald held it up, showing off the thick pages and ineligible handwriting. “I can't even begin to find the spell Mortimer used! How can we find the counter-spell before it's too late? Can't we just have the author go back and delete that note, so we have an easier time?”

Goofy sat up, having been blasted to bits by Malice Mickey's line of fire but still having enough strength left over to drop the next plot point. “Well... since he came from the book, what if we just put him back in there?”

Mickey snapped his fingers. “That's brilliant, Goofy! We'll smash him between the pages, like when I used Donald's schedule-book to kill that pesky fly this morning!”

“Exactly! … Wait, what did you do my book?”

~*~

The First National Bank of Spookyville was normally a quiet, boring place, as most banks are. Being a Halloween-themed bank didn't really change that aspect, save for the fact most of the coins inside were chocolate and covered in fake gold foil. Minnie wound up more interested in eating them than flipping them, which only made choosing which Mickey she preferred all the more difficult. It was also difficult to think clearly when Malice Mickey was making so much noise ripping the vault doors open and laughing evilly as he shoved money into his pockets. “Mwahahaha! All the money in Spookyville belongs to me! It's my right to use it however I want! A new mansion, fancy cars, and most expensive of all, a decent phone service!”

The tellers hid in a corner, afraid of this “new side” of the Mayor. “A politician who is actually honest about their corruption... What's next? Celebrities admitting they actually use plastic surgery?! Spookyville can't handle this kind of reality!”

“Spookyville won't have a choice!” Malice Mickey slammed down a bag of cash, before standing on top of it proudly. “New rules for a new Mayor! I'm going to turn this place upside-down and inside-out!Everyone will have to do whatever I say, and I get to do anything I want! In fact, why settle for being a mere mayor? No more elections! No more votes! For my first act, I declare myself as the forever ruler of Spookyville... King Mickey!”

With that settled, Malice Mickey jumped in front of Minnie, ready to win her over. “How does that sound? Simple and Clean, right?”

Minnie “hmm”ed about it, flipping another chocolate coin in her mouth to give a thoughtful chew. “You know, when you walk away, you don't hear me say-”

“Please, oh baby, don't go?”

“No.” Minnie held up a flat hand to stop the musical. “I'm in love with Mayor Mickey, not King Mickey. I'm starting to wonder if you're just too different from the man I want to be with. If I have to think this much about it, doesn't that say something?” Aside from the fact that this story needed to be stretched out.

“But if I'm King, I'll need a Queen!” Malice Mickey threw an arm around Minnie's shoulders. “Think of it – Queen Minnie! What comes to mind when you hear that?”

“Being a laggy Escort Mission?”

“Besides that,” He cleared his throat. “No rules, no limits! You can do whatever you want, to whoever you want, and never suffer any consequences!”

“How is that any different than what I do now?”

Malice Mickey needed a few seconds to come up with a better answer. “Less puns?”

This was, admittedly, a tempting offer. She thought of it while the Mayor and his lackeys once again caught up to the doorway, out of breath and needing to grab a glass of water before they could manage to speak. “Why is it,” Donald said after a haggard breath, “Witches can fly wherever they want, but warlocks have to run? This town is too big!”

“At the next meeting, let's bring up the idea of moving sidewalks again...” Mickey wiped sweat off his forehead before continuing the story. “Hold it right there, you demonic deuce! And stop holding Minnie! Whatever it takes, I will not let you date her!”

“And take over Spooky – aw, forget it.”

Malice Mickey began to stomp forward, irritation clear on his face. “You've interrupted me for the last time, Squeaky and Clean! I'm going to wipe you off the map! My shadows are endless, I can never run out of them!”

“Ditto for my doors!” Mickey countered, holding up his cape. “I never run out of places to send or things to summon! If we want, this could be an epic battle for the ages with intricate detail and breathless exposition!”

Faced with the idea of a never-ending duel of magic, they decided to just do plain old fisticuffs.

“ _LADY, COULD YOU PLEASE JUST TAKE ONE CREATIVE WRITING COURSE?!_ ”

Malice Mickey launched himself at his better half, and the childish brawl began, mostly with slaps but also with the occasion punch, kick, and bite. Goofy and Donald didn't dare interfere, just because this looked really childish, especially as Malice gave Mickey an epic noogie. Still, the match wasn't going to make any progress anytime soon. After all, they were equally matched, with equal strength, equal weaknesses, and equal stubbornness. This could have gone on all day and all night.

Which suited Minnie just fine, as she wondered if she could get this image to replay for her every morning when she got out of bed. But this wasn't solving her problem.

With great reluctance, Donald inched over to Minnie, holding out the book that started the whole mess. “If we could just smush the evil double into the book, he'd be gone. You're stronger than all of us, by some cruel twist of fate, so could you do us all a favor and get this over with?”

“I don't know...” Minnie clicked her tongue. “It is kind of nice having the Mayor fight for me! Why should I stop this right now? Maybe the other guy can stick around so the Mayor can keep on chasing me! I can't think of anything better than that!”

Both Mickeys heard this loud and clear, and it became clear to the Mayor that there was only one way out of this. He'd have to say the words he had been dreading since he first learned of Minnie's insane desire for him. It was time to reach into the very depths of his soul and pull out his earnest, honest feelings. Men could only hold onto their pride for so long! He knew Minnie better than anyone, so knew exactly what she wanted to hear.

It was time to use... the d-word.

Mayor Mickey kicked Malice Mickey off him, and on one knee, slammed his hand down to the floor. “Minnie! I just have one thing to say, and if it won't change your mind, I'll give up! I promise I'll leave the both of you alone to do whatever PG-13 things you want!”

Malice Mickey snorted, his arrogant nose high in the air. “What could you possibly say that'll make her choose you over me?”

Mayor Mickey inhaled deeply, eyes shut, mentally readying himself. When he opened his eyes, he stared right at Minnie, who was very curious about this turn of events. “Minnie Mouse... If you defeat Malice Mickey... I'll go on a date with you.”

Three seconds of silence passed – Malice Mickey burst into uproarious laughter. “A date?! That's it? You think she'll get rid of me for one lousy date? You must be out of your-”

BA-THONK, apparently, is the sound of a heavy open book smashed into the skull of an evil clone.  
BA-THONK!  
BA-THONK!  
BA-THONK!  
BABABABABABA-THONKTHONKTHONKTHONKTHONKTHONK-

“I think he's in already.” Goofy timidly suggested, as Minnie continued to slam the magic book down on the space Malice Mickey used to be. Indeed, he had poofed back inside after the first hit, but Minnie wanted to be extra sure, and thus kept banging the book into the floor until there was a certifiable crack in the marble.

Satisfied, Minnie closed the book. “All done! When are we going out?”

“You can't be serious,” Donald scoffed. “He just said that to get you to help out!”

“Now, now, Donald.” Mickey began to stand up, brushing his outfit down and notably not making eye-contact with Minnie. “I am a man of my word. I said I'll go on a date with her, and that's what I'll do. We'll arrange it and everything.”

Goofy placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. “That's awfully considerate of you, Mickey! I think I respect you more than I ever did before!” Even Donald had to admit this was rather amazing, and he felt his soul moved! Both men were in awe of Mickey's bravery!

“So, Donald, arrange a date... for April 31st.”

Both men were in awe of Mickey's cowardice.

Minnie threw her arms around Mickey for a tight squeeze, unable to stop giggling. “Oh, I can't wait! This has made today's weirdness all worth it! I love you sooo much, my Mayor!” With a smooch to his cheek, she twirled around, delirious with joy. “I'll love you forever and ever and ever, no matter what! Oh, I'm so excited, I want to start preparing for it right away!” She stuck two fingers in her mouth, whistling for her flying broom to pick her up. Once she was high in the sky, she waved back to the men, and let out one more long “I LOOOOOVE YOUUUUUU!” as she sailed off into the clouds.

Mickey straightened his jacket. “So, how long do you think it'll take her to realize April 31st doesn't exist?”

“I give it another minute,” Goofy said after checking his watch. “Guess this is just normal for us too.”

“Gives us a good head start, at least!” Mickey tried to see the positive side of the situation, and started to run. “C'mon, fellas! We've got a whole day of dodging and repairing to get through!” Just like every day since he met her, and every day in the future – given the longevity of warlock lives, and the longevity of Halloween itself, he knew this was a chase that would last until the end of time. For one reason or another, this didn't bother him as much as it should.

Fortunately for the rest of us, this story is not as long. So how does one end five tales of ghouls, girls and ghastliness? Perhaps the simplest way is best. They all lived happily ever after, and Mickey married Minnie and had sixteen children and they all lived in a big pumpkin house with eight cats and - 

_Minnie, get off my keyboard!_


End file.
